lonely guy

lonely guy
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2007-10-30 05:03:52 (UTC)

The new kid...

I'm different. I've grown. I am now an adult...a man. I'm
scared. I'm....lost.

It's been about two years since I've wrote in here. I was
looking at my previous posts and I realized something. I was
just a kid then...I knew nothing about the world. I knew
nothing about life...I knew nothing about love.

Here is a quick update, mind you it's not going to be
pretty. That girl that I had mentioned dating before I left
for Chicago...got pregnant. Now that I look back at things,
the moment I found out she was pregnant two things happened.
I felt completely scared because...well I was only 20 years
old for fucks sake! This isn't suppose to happen to me. I
didn't even lose my virginity until I was 18. I didn't even
date a girl until I was 17. I mean...this wasn't suppose to
happen to me.

Then...after the initial shock of things were weighing on my
shoulders, I felt another emotion settle in...despair. I
knew from that moment that my life was completely changed. I
could no longer be a child. I had to grow up...

It wouldn't of been such a bad thing if me and the
for-mentioned girl had any chance in having a relationship.
We didn't. We had no chance in hell. So what do I go do? I
go off to college thinking, "No big deal, I'll just be here
for 3 years and during that time I can see my child every
other weekend or so. I can just drive back and forth from
Chicago to Terre Haute."

So I left...

Ok, I have so much more to write about. Shit that I really
do have to get off my chest. But as of right now, I must go
do what I know is right.

I'll explain later.