Ms. R

Assimilated
2007-10-28 02:27:26 (UTC)

241st Entry- 10-27-07

Finally remembered to take some time and add another entry
here. I am supposed to be working on a website but I am
BORED with that, so I am taking a break.

So whats been going on? Not too much. Things are pretty
much as they were last time I wrote. Although Ron has been
getting distant again. I dont expect him to tell me to
leave THIS time...he isnt acting THAT way. Just pulling
away. We are back to sex maybe once a month, no real
affection, wont touch me and doesnt want to BE touched. He
sometimes gets mad at me for the DUMBEST things. Like the
other night, I tried to open the bedroom window farther so
I get more of a breeze and it made a noise. He wakes up
and says "You wake me up every damn night!" Now I DONT
wake him up every damn night and whats sillier is that
literally TWO minutes after he said that, he was snoring.
He can be such a freaking ASS sometimes.

I know its the job situation...he still doesnt have work.
But hell, HE will be fine. He can STILL retire. He wont be
rich but he can do it. And considering how little he
spends, it doesnt matter. He could be have money below
poverty level and STILL be fine.

Sometimes he makes me cry...so what else is new? Sometimes
he makes me laugh, too. But lately the fun is less and
less. I get out...spend time with my kids. He vegetates
here like the hermit he is. If he doesnt get a job soon, I
dont know WHAT is going to happen because I cant take it
like this. When you love someone, you want them to be
happy. If they arent, YOU arent. I try to cheer him up but
all he does is hurt me. I love him. I am just tired of the
waiting game I have to play every time he gets like this.

My mom is getting worse all the time. My older bro went to
see her...finally...and realized just how bad she is
getting. He talked to my little bro about thinking about
putting mom in a home. Of course, he said he couldnt let
that happen. So since HE is the one living with her, its
up to HIM as to how much he can handle. Funny thing is a
year ago my older brothers were saying how THEY had NO
sympathy for little bro and werent going to take him in if
anything happened to mom. Now my older bro says he feels
sorry for little bro because he has no life. Well, he had
no life ALL his life...mom had NOTHING to do with that.
However, older bro knows that he will have to take little
bro in. He isnt happy about it and I can only imagine how
my SIL is going react. But I sure cant take him in and
there is no one else. So we will see how long he can last
with mom.

No more exciting stuff. No more stories about men. I dont
talk to anyone anymore. B and B2 I get an online message
from occasionally. Cowboy J I havent heard from in a
couple months. The other J I sent and e-mail to and he
didnt respond. I dont care. My friend Jim I wrote to
because I hadnt heard from him in ages. He wrote me back a
short letter saying he had cancer and had gone through
chemo and had lost 3 friends over the course of this year
and he was pretty depressed. I havent written him back but
I need to do that.

Having put back on most of the weight I lost, I dont feel
as good as I did. I dont have any energy anymore. My knees
are bothering me. I keep trying to get back on the program
but I cant seem to do it and I know from experience that
if you arent ready, it wont happen. I need to take my own
advice. In the meantime, I am just kinda blah.

Not a very uplifting entry, but its how things are right
now. My SUV is still a bright spot in my life. Everytime I
get in that thing, I feel SO damned happy. I wouldnt trade
that vehicle for anything. I keep it washed and vacuumed
and it looks as good as the day we bought it. Ive only put
a couple thousand miles on it since Feb. It should last a
good long time.

Well, I guess I better get back to work. Maybe the next
entry I will have more happy things to relate.




Ad: