Don't mess with the man who has an industrial-sized bag of popcorn
while waiting for the bus i am used to seeing a regular
penumbra of mind-boggling spectacles. yet no screaming
midget, half-naked man running from the cops, nor
cracked-out addict trying to sell a beard-trimmer (with no
box) could prepare me for the man who was casually sitting
next to a bag the size of texas filled to he brimm with popcorn.
the man was obviously homeless and as to acquiring the
industrial-sized bag i could only think of two scenarios.
1) he stole it
2) someone gave it to him
this isn't a bag you find in any grocery store (not even
costco). this thing was fucking huge.
sure enough he was eating out of it (guarding it like a
jealous ape does his mate) while waiting for the bus to take
him god knows where.
and of course he was getting on my bus, as he promptly
hustled in front of me lugging the bag (which seemed heavier
than an industrial-sized bag of popcorn would be) up the bus
the driver looked at him, looked at the bag, shook his head,
sighed and let him on.
he and his bag took up three seats, all the while munching
on it...he didn't offer any to me, but oddly enough he threw
a lot to the birds.
anyhow, this is not about the homeless man with the popcorn
but about me and my hatred for the people at my career
i went to meet one of the drones working there and she
pleasantly kept me waiting for 30 mins. you know to make
sure i felt like i was abusing her time.
i hate this lady too, all she does is talk about herself,
but i have NOONE else who can give me "job hunting tips". i
have alwayas hated career centers and counselors at school,
they always prove themselves to be horribly worthless.
so there i was sitting in her office 30 mins late. as i
came in she was on her computer. she drives me nuts on the
computer. she is one of the old-school users who refuses to
learn anything. what she does is everytime she opens a new
website (rather than typing the address into the open
browser) she'll close the open one and open a new one!!!
so anyway, i'mi in there i got class in 30 mins and she
starts telling me how she is one of very few people to have
won an award that was precariously hanging from a tack
directly above my head.
i turned around and feigned interest for about 20 mins.
that's right, for 20 mins she told me about how she had won
this lady does not stop talking. i finally cut into her
monologue with 10 mins remaining before class.
"so what websites can i go to for job searching?"
she sat there staring lovingly at her award. she then
proceeded to put her grimy stubby finger into her left ear,
twisting it this way and that.
she was cleaning out her earwax in front of me.
i sat there in disbelief not knowing if she had even heard me.
"yeah yeah, you want to network."
and i swear to god if i hear the word 'network' one more
time i am going to go homicidal. i KNOW i need ot meet
people, aside from that, what can i do!!!
she kept on twisting her stubby fingerin her ear and i
watched crusts and gooey matter fall upon her dark blouse
and sit there.
as i sat there staring at the whitish gray stubs of human
matter lying upon her vast bussom i was close to losing it
she had completely disregarded my question, now pointed her
finger with earwax on it back at her award.
"you know only a select few get that...right?"
that was it.
"i have to go to class."
"hm...join the bar association."
"go to events."
"i don't have the money."
"win an award."
i know she meant the last as a casual joke but it just felt
villified to me. ugh, i hate career services.
"look at that, that's a full fucking moon."
"do you believe in god?"
"that's quite a leap from the moon to the lord."
"i believe in something...not necessarily a male, but an
"not even someone or something guiding us?"
"it's not really an accomplishment."
"maybe i don't either."
"nawh, i do, i definitely do, there's got to be...something..."
"you don't even think there's a chance?"
"i just said possibly."
"oh...yeah, i think there's a good chance, that's the
difference between you and me."
"i think the differences go beyond that."
"are you talking about class rank?"
"never mind. you here andrew got into the top 20%? he's a
moron. i can't belive that."
"and you need more convincing that there isn't a god?"
these are the conversataions i have with fellow law students
as i leave bars to go to real estate class.
one last thing. you know that song, "how to save a life" by
the fray? juli's been torturing me with it lately...it's
the saddest song i've ever heard!
the first time i heard it was when i was working out in the
gym. i was like, "what the fuck is this shit?" i'm almost
bawling all over the weights.
can you think of a worse song in a gym?
personally, if i'm grieving i'm going for "every rose has
its thorn" by poison.
got some soul to supplement that which you lost through your