Nick's Journal
2007-10-18 22:29:08 (UTC)

Fuck my brain is fried

there are three horrible states for your head to be in. the
headache, the burnout, and the static-dissonance.
everyone knows the headache, it hurts, some times it was
self-induced, sometimes it was induced by the fuck who sits
next to you and treats the third floor of the law library as
the fucking olive garden devouring plate after plate of
slurpy, noisy pasta enough to drive you the fuck in sane.
the burnout is normally experienced after you pull an
all-nighter or smoking too much weed. your mind is just
done. no thoughts even dare enter the barren deserted
terrain which is your mind. your brain cells litter your
cranium like a world war I battle of the trenches, not able
to move and slowly trying to recover from the battering they
had just undergone.
the static-dissonance is the state i've been in the past
week. fuck i hate it. it's the state you're in when you
REALLY have to get shit done and work is just piling up on
your ass. fuck, you can't get clear thoughts, all you want
is the open air of a clear thought yet all you get is the
static of a channel that's not tuned in right. no matter
how hard you try to focus your thoughts they just devolve
into static-dissonance. it's the most frustrating feeling
in the world for me and i can't seem to get rid of it.
truthfully what i think i need is a vacation; just no work,
no stress, no fucking nothing for a few days.
not gonna happen.
anyhow, i found a fun way of relaxing though. normally when
someone talks in my class i zone out faster than jerome
bettis on sunday night football and my mind falls upon a
guinea pig talking all gangster like to someone and accusing
them of racial discrimination or something, but just
yesterday this hilarious scenario popped into my head.
the song, "time of my life" from dirty dancing entered my
head. and i love that song not the least because it reminds
me of patrick swayze acting like a total douche.
but anyway it was resonating through my head and i was
picturing these two stallions overcoming their homosexual
urges and dancing together in an open field to it when the
horrendously ugly girl who sits next to me in class came
into my purview.
my thoughts quickly matched her up with this whale of a man
who sits next to me in another class (seriously this dude is
so big he can't even keep his arms next to his sides) and
all of a sudden they were dancing all passionately in a
sorry it gets me going even just thinking about it now. cos
you know how ugly people or for christ's sake even NORMAL
people aren't even in a lowly long john silvers commercial?
i mean shit, i saw a KFC commercial with a blond, buxom
employee asking someone if they wanted a side of heart
attack with their mashed potatoes.
so the advertising world's complete denial of the perfectly
capable ugly people who could represent the world at large
led me to this beautiful and entertaining thought of a girl
who is beyond speakably ugly dancing with a man who could
probably feed the entire somalian population with the fat
cut off of his right thigh.
then after they had gotten all crazy on teh dance floor and
whale-man had just completed an triple-axle jump and the
fugly girl had taken off her coke-bottle like glasses to
make a pouty kissy face they went to applebee's.
and they fed each other cheesy mozzarella sticks.
speaking of applebee's i want to go there again. juli and i
used to go all the time and it was so great. apparently now
juli is too good for the place (she descends from a long
line of food snobs) and i am calling her out for it right
here and now.
i want to go and get that trio thing they've been showing on
tv. at first i thought it was a joke...that they weren't
actually putting three entrees onto one plate.
how the fuck do they even fit it all on one plate?
and you have to realize it doesn't look nearly as neat when
they do it in real life so how big of a fucking pig do you
feel with two bacon cheeseburgers, two wraps and some ribs
on one plate?
oh god that sounds awesome.
lastly i witnessed someting horrible last night on the bus.
i got on an earlier bus because (blissfully) my last class
got cancelled. so there i am on the over-crowded 6 o'clock
bus when i see something happen to someone that happened to
me about two years ago.
i knew how he felt.
anyhow, this dude was sittinig there reading his book when i
saw this dude (whom i'd been keeping an eye on for the sole
purpose of realizing what type of person he was) who had
been walking around the bus stop intently trying to find
someone to talk to.
he sat down next to the lad hitherto engrossed in a book and
started chatting him up.
"oh whatcha readin? huhuh"
a chill went up my spine. this was exactly like the guy who
had sequestered my attention every day as i traveled to an
from work. i remembered how much i hated him and how
actively i tried to avoid him and the dark thoughts that
crossed my mind just to relieve myself of him.
the boy tried his best to keep conversation from starting,
but it was like trying to block the hoover damn with an ear
plug...the geyser of conversation was to billow forth.
and so it did.
the poor guy eventually put his book down and got lambasted
by idle pleasantries as he tried so valiantly to explicitly
show his disinterest.
"so like, you work near me don't you?"
oh no the talking guy was stepping up the level of creepiness!!!
"yeah you work at hte record store, i work at blockbuster"
ha! just the type of bastard who would!
"so it looks like we're going to be seeing a lot of each other."
that sounded like a threat.
the poor dude meekly attested to this fact with a sad
resigned nod of his head.
if you think for one second he was going to be on teh same
bus again today, you gotta be outta your fucking mind.
i vowed to myself to never become a victim like that again.
i'm going to stand strong, i have nothing to be ashamed of,
if that dude wants to start a conversation with me i'm just
going to stare at him. just stare.
sure it's weird and might get dangerous but at least i won't
once again be subjected to the humiliating, degrading
acquiescence of a forced friendship again.