i know i complain a lot, but one thing that's always bugged
me during my collegial career has been this mad dash for
student body president, vice-president, treasurer of the
glee club, or ball-fondling president of the young democrats.
all of those "offices" are just senseless decorations
adorning resumes and nothing more. they are completly vapid
and so are the dumb fuckers who apply for them and
eventually drag their decoratory offices through the mud
with their utter lack of spirit.
about a year ago i was pissed off about all of this and it
culminated when i saw something absolutely unbelievable.
before i abdicated any allegiance i had to the federalist
society (i thought it was a libertarian club, but it turned
out to be a right-wing christian club), i was offered the
office of vice-president. i politely declined citing too
much work. so anyways, i still went to meetings and all
that shit and our president that past year was excellent.
she would have made the perfect tyrant. she was short,
frail and completely out of her fucking mind. i remember
her screaming at the head of the ACLU club at one of our
"joint discussions". i swear to god i thought that the ACLU
head was about to shit the constitution he so diligently
tore apart and ate in complete disregard of any logical
interpretation of what it actually stands for.
so there are some good officers. but the majority suck.
back to the federalist society. i got the ballot for next
year's officers. who were they? oh just 5 people WHO HAD
NEVER ATTENDED A MEETING!!!!
i remember talking to the former president at the end of
last year and feeling bad about declining. she seemed so
pissed off but at the same resigned as she was graduating.
so why am i even more pissed now about these fucking
assholes who just run for these offices because their grades
aren't good enough to land them a good job?
well let me put you through 4 experiences i had.
see i've been trying so fucking hard to join a club. i just
really want to because i feel like i didn't do that enough
in undergrad; and after my disappointment with the
federalist society i was sorely disappointed.
i first talked to the public interest law foundation. the
president couldn't tell me what they did. he kept on say,
"we work for the public interest."
well shit i know that one einstein that's in your fucking
name! what specifically do you do that benefits the public
"i don't know, we do meetings...and like we organize stuff."
"cool when's the next opportunity i can volunteer?"
he started to get visibly agitated at this.
"man, i don't know. i'm not sure."
but you're the fucking president!!!
so then i spoke with the president of the animal legal
defense fund. i had gone to one of their meetings last year
with a gun to my head but decided to try again.
"so what exactly do you do?"
"ummm, you read our mission statement?"
"yeah, it says you promote animal rights."
"yeah, that's what we do."
"well what specifically?"
"what specifically do you engage in that promotes animal
rights? do you volunteer at the spca, offer legal
assistance to attorneys advocating animal rights?"
"nawh, we have meetings."
ah, the ever ubiquitous meetings. i hate them, they never
solve anything and are just there to give peopel the
impression they are doing something simply for the fact that
they are indeed doing something.
so then i tried my hand at the young democrats (seriously).
the girl was all perky and nauseating. she was
ueber-friendly but couldn't for the life of her tell me when
the next meeting was.
granted she was only the vice-president, but come on!
i couldn't bring myself over to the dark-side of the ACLU
and finally landed on the constitution society. i figured
this was my last shot unless i wanted to join the black
students law association (it only had three members and i
don't think we'd see eye to eye on reparations and
the guy was probably the most helpful one of all of them.
he was one of the older students who always give me the
creeps because i don't trust anyone over 40 who wears
t-shirts on weekdays and can't seem to focus their eyes on
me when i'm standing right in front of them.
i swayed into his line of vision as he squinted.
"so as you can see we will be preaching...sorry educating,
the constitutional virtues to the local middle-schools."
"cool, so um, do you address any current events as they
pertain to the constitution?"
"what's there to address? in my opinion we have everything
we need right here."
and with this he pulled out his little booklet of the
yeah he seems really open to anything contradicting his own
point of view, another federalist society all over again.
i am currently awaiting some sort of response from the
president of the newly founded immigration justice society
but apparently he's too busy and invisible, because i can't
seem to find him anywhere...it's almost like he's
undocumented at our law school...
so in summary, i hate these vapid officers. these people
who ahve no spirit and no will, who jsut do it for the title
and don't even want to function.
if there's one office in the world where i care about
character it has to be president. i'm realizing that as i
talk to these dipshits. i realize there are bare minimums,
but you know why conservatives like ronald reagan? well he
was just a good character.
why liberals like jfk and even more rfk? character. that's
what it's all about. that's why some fluke like john kerry
can come from out of nowhere and someone like bush can
capture the presidency twice...some like the cowboy character.
on a side note, there are a few special times in a man's
life and i believe i experienced one this weekend. i went
to a professional football game where the hometeam got
resoundingly crushed. as i was in the bathroom after the
game (and by teh way, the men's bathroom at a pro-football
game operates by the law of the jungle) there was a man next
to me at a urinal, completely wasted out of his mind yelling
at the urinal,
"this is just FUCKING PATHETIC!!! FUCKING PATHETIC!!!"
with his pants around his ankles.
people seem to take pro-sports harder than college sports.
maybe it's because the fan-base is just older. in college
people get pissed but then they get drunk, make out with a
lamp post and eventually move on.
i guess when you're 45, two kids who don't talk to you and a
wife who makes rosie o'donnell look like heidi klum, all you
have is tony romo to terrell owens for six.
if that doesn't work out for you, there's nothing.
except for the pleasure of urinating down your own leg in