Soul Flares
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2007-10-15 03:05:25 (UTC)

God Help Me

I hate it; to love him so much. He has a new girl friend. A
new perfect girlfriend who he loves and thinks is perfect.
despite that; when I talk to him all I find is myself
falling more and more in love with him. More and more in
pain. I feel like I could die, I gave him everything that
was and is me. I can't live without him and he is so done
with me. I feel like I've been thrown aside.

I need him to be here for me...but I haven't seen him for a
month and I KNOW he's seen his girl friend. His girl friend
that is in high school; and is living here in Phoenix like
me. But I haven't seen him once; and I know she has. He's
been to busy to see me. To busy to even see Eddie. But his
new girl he has all the time in the world for. I want to die
knowing that. I am having his baby and he wont spare an hour
for me.

I know it's stupid to be so in love with someone who wont
spend time with me. I know it is; but I just can't help it.
Every time I talk to him I fall further and further in love
with a guy who is in love with another girl. A guy who wont
spend time with me or visit me or be with me when I need him
most. So I stopped talking to him. Stopped texting him every
day to see how he is. I just cut him away from me...but I
don't think I have any me left after I gave it to him. I
trusted him SO fully...that I just lost myself without him.

So this week I haven't spoken to him...he's sent me two
texts but I didn't answer them...all I can do is think about
him; think about his messages in my inbox without replys.
Think about it and try as hard as I can not to. I was at
work and some guy was wearing the stuff he does; his cool
water stuff. I smelt it and nearly started to weep because I
wanted to be with him so badly. I could have died just from
smelling it. It made me ache. I just want him back....but I
know I wont...he's happy with his new girl...so I'm nothing
to him now...