Nick's Journal
2007-10-11 23:09:15 (UTC)

I hate social intercourse

some people grand-stand and say they hate interacting
socially, some people go on and on about how they dread
making small talk, but those same punks will smile and play
their magical flute serenading every cock-headed moron as to
how the weather is gonna turn out in the next few minutes.
i'm genuine. i hate social intercourse. i am a true
i'm not asocial, just anti-social.
i prefer not to. i can, i could, but i don't...want to.
just lately i've begun to believe that my hatred for social
intercourse with anyone in my law school has stepped to a
new level of neurosis.
now let me get a few things out of the way. i love hanging
out with my friends, my wife, and i don't mind going to
social events (such as parties or what-not). what i hate is
this stupid obligation that comes with being in a cramped
space with about 100s of people you "sort of know."
i am at the law school for almost 12 hours a day. hell i am
here 12 hours a day. now i'd say that in this law school i
sorta know about 150 people. there were 100 in my first
year section and there are maybe another 50 who i know
through organizations or other shit.
think about that. 150 people with whom i have the minimum
obligation to at least shoot some shit with.
the problem is that most people are more than happy to
oblige. it's gotten to the point where i dread having to
get up from my cubicle in the library to go to the bathroom.
i'm seriously considering shoving a catheter up my penis
hole and strapping a plastic bag which will fill with
luke-warm urine ad as more appealing option than having to
have one more "teach is so crazzzzzzy" conversation with an
of course i'd have to empty the bag once in a while.
i'm at the point where i am flitting through halls,
shoulders hunched, head held down, scurrying like a rat with
a nut to the safety of my cubicle.
it's to no avail. i have had people go so far as to get in
front of me, crane their neck below mine and slowly (i swear
to go with the "force") move my head so that it was upright
and facing their pearly-shiny smiling face, ready to engage
in some "isn't this year crazy?" talk.
i've gotten to the point where i scout open areas like i'm
preparing for a mongrel hoard. i will think things like...
"okay, riddhi is in room 109 in 5 minutes which means she'll
turn west, at which point i can make my move because jake
will move down the stairs to his locker...and, 'oh my god!
go go, they're moving early!'"
seriously i'm fucked.
but christ i hate the conversations. i feel like seinfeld
in the "kiss hello" episode.
this is actually a conversation i had with tristen (the
die-hard eagles fan) today,
"so you gonna watch the eagles game this weekend?"
"no, i doubt it."
"yeah, i know what you mean, i mean if they play well
they're going to win."
"yeah, you know, just the team that's gonna play better is
the one that's gonna win."
how did he get into my law school?
or my personal favorite...the conversations that have very
long awkward pauses but the other person just won't
relinquish you from their conversational grip. it's like
i'm flat-lining every 5 seconds and they'll grab the paddles
and try to jolt me back into the conversation.
shannon is the queen of this.
"so what do you think of admin law?"
"so it hard? is that why it sucks?"
"hard and boring."
"really...well i'm taking family law and that sucks."
"i mean i don't know if it sucks as much as admin law cos
i'm not taking admin law but family law sucks."
i mean i don't hate people really. i just hate having to
have these stupid forced conversations with them. really i
think that most people (if not all) that i know are pretty
cool and nice, i just can't stand another second of another
inane conversation i could get trapped into.
the most awkward moment happened though when i was in this
meeting today about some stupid immigration reform or
something i was trying to feign interest in so that i would
force myself to join another club.
well this guy walked in that i really didn't want to talk
to. we made eye contact right as he came in and i quickly
looked away. i immediately felt embarrassed by that, but
then that embarrassement turned into exasperation as i heard,
"huhuh, anybody sittin' here?"
so anyhow. i just odn't know. it's fucking exahusting
trying to avoid conversations, especially in such a confined
but i can't take the alternative. not another conversation
about some bullshit i don't care about just so that i'm
talking and filling some sort of void.