Ben

Stuff
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2007-09-24 05:04:39 (UTC)

I know she loves me. I know I..

I know she loves me.

I know I love her.

But we will never see eachother, we will never be able to
truly be together and I don't know whats worse... Losing
her altogether, or never speaking to her again.

She's wayyyy out of my league, I mean look at her.
Everytime I see her, I think, why did she choose me? She is
way to beautiful and deserves soooo much more than to be
stuck with me. I love her so much it hurts.

One of these days, im going to be drunk enough to do the
unthinkable, and kill myself. Because I swear, the only
thing that saves me sometimes, is the fact that I brush
everything off and say "It's all meaningless" and that's
kept me in check for the longest time... But now I truly
believe it. All my pain... It truly is meaningless.

My friends laugh at me because im ugly. That im not
perfect. They make me feel so worthless...

I just want to find someone who will always be there...
Someone who will always love me... And I guess, if Susan
can't do that..... We should end this mirage and just be
friends.

One day, I hope im lucky enough to love someone like I do
Susan.... And I hope they love me back.

I'm so fucked up inside... I think I have depression...
But im to afraid to say anything... Cause look at me! I'm
a grown man and I can't even deal with these bullshit
emotions...........

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I get my hopes up
everytime I fall in love, as if it'll actually happen? Why
do I fool myself...

I want to cut myself so bad but if I do that, people at work
will notice... my parents will notice and everyone will ask
me what those are... And I don't want anyone to know im like
that.....


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