Tainted in shackles

Unintentional/iInTeNtiOnal DaMagE
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2007-09-23 22:34:01 (UTC)

Wow its been a while- maybe he is like the rest

I haven't typed in here in a long time. Nothing has changed
my I'm still with my man. I cant believe its been of a year
since I wrote in here last. Not too much has been going on.
I think that's the problem. I heard this song by Rihanna
called a good girl gone bad and in a way I am beginning to
feel more and more like that song. I'm stuck between that
and Beautiful liar by Beyonce and Shakira. He goes out a
lot more than I do, when I ask him why didn't he get the
phone, he'll say oh I didn't hear it or, I don't have any
minutes or oh its not charged. Where the fuck are all your
minutes going...its not like your talking to me. I have
been carrying the bulk of this relationship on my perfectly
proportioned shoulders and I'm really tired of being the
only one that ever does what I say I'm going to do.

I told him I was broke, all my money has gone into my car,
which has gone on my credit cards, my books for school ...
on my credit card ... gas for him this past summer also on
my credit card. I put more in gas on his moms car than he
has. And I didn't mind because we're in a relationship
together. And because I do some much for him, all I want is
a little help. He told me he'd call me back that was last
night, I haven't heard from him yet. When he gets on the
phone he doesn't have anything to say, after being quiet
he'll start singing which irritates the hell out of me and
he does it to get me off the phone.

I'm getting really tired, and bored, and irritated with
this whole situation and if he don't fix the way things are
going I don't think this is going to work. Its like he has
no ambition. I ask him "so what u do today?" he says
nothing- Damn near every fucking day. Nothing or he played
the game. He was playing the game last night the day before
and now again. I'm like what the fuck do you do all day

He owes me money, says he going to give it to me and ends
up going drinking with his friends and blowing it on cigs --
fucking amazing.

Just once I want him to come over and take me out to
dinner. Or to the movies, or with his to one of his friends
parties. I feel so fucking left out and that's not fair.

Just once I'd love for him to put as much effort into us as
I do.