McKaY

McKayism: Everything, Anything & Nothing
2007-09-19 05:04:33 (UTC)

love and lust

i've been thinking a lot... or just thoughts during and
after drunkenness....

95% of the ppl i meet now would generally say i'm much
older than my actual age. i can understand why the
statement. it's definitely not b/c of my "dress code" or
my nonexisting inch thick makeup. i do carry myself in a
more "mature" ways in a lot of things. when it's work,
friends, personal input/views, comprehensive ability,
professional relationship or responsibilities, i do act
more mature than a lot of ppl my age or even older. i
would often question what does it mean when ppl say i act
older than my actual age. despite all that, now i realize
it's not all true. i have my moments of childishness and
immaturity. when it comes with professional matters or
someone else's business, i can be very mature. but when
it comes down to my own, i can act like "my age" or
younger. my stubborness is both a good and bad quality of
mine. it is my road to put my feet on the ground for my
beliefs and yet also the path to childishness. b/c of my
stubborness, i can lose good friends of mine and ppl that
i love.

ideally, love and lust go very well hand in hand. in
reality, they don't come together at the same time or with
the same person. you may love one person but no lust
involve or will never get to that stage. therefore, you
have lust with another person as a substitute. can that
be compromised? we, as human in a capitalistic society,
compromise so much everyday. we compromise our dreams,
our goals, our fairytales, and now our perfect
relationship. why can so many people stay with a person
just for the companionship without the proper love that
should be involved? it is definitely the easy and lazy
way to go. i'm pretty tired from not compromising and
pretty lazy in general. but can i just settle for the
latter? it happened so naturally (or not) and quickly.
it was good while it lasted and i can definitely go for
some more. i think we both know clearly once the sun
comes out and we wake up from the dream, things would be
back to normal as if nothing had happened. it was still
enough for me to ponder abt it and can't stop thinking abt
it again. it was good. it was different than the other
encounters because i didn't resist him. i started because
i wanted to see his reaction but later it just felt nice,
it was comfortable and reassuring. wonder if it'd be any
different with another person. too bad there's no sparks
btw us. altho i do have to give him a lot of props for
trying something no other person has done. he was so
wasted, i guess.




Ad: