nin137

Nick's Journal
2007-09-11 21:49:18 (UTC)

I still hate interviewing

well i had my first (and most likely only) on campus
interview today. i don't think i've ever been so nervous
before any one interview. i've always hated the interview
process, i hate that i'm being judged, and i hate even more
that i have to put on a show. but i want this job so badly,
that's what was so horrible about the interview. normally i
go into those things with my usual, "eh if it doesn't work
out it doesn't work out" attitude. it's profoundly
distressing for someone like me who's primary defense
mechanism is humor and a facade of, "i don't give a fuck" to
be put in a situation where he not only has to perform, but
WANTS to perform well.
so i got into the interview room and there were two lawyers
there. one was an older guy who sat directly across from me
and the second was a younger guy who sat to my right around
a round table.
the interview started as usual, the older guy bantering me
with that demeanor of, "don't worry this isn't a big deal,
we're like friends", something which i never understood, but
hey, i play the game.
after about 3 minutes of bantering we got down to business,
he asked me what i knew about the company (law firms are
very egotistical in this respect, if you can't deliver to
them a synopsis which includes at least a few tidbits of the
excruciatingly minute achievements they have received in
every area they think you don't like them); during my
response i shifted between looking at the older guy and the
younger. but after the first ten minutes i realized that
the younger guy wasn't going to say shit.
he was just sitting there, staring at me. it was very
uncomfortable because i was forced to train my concentration
on the guy in front of me and could barely glimpse what the
other guy was doing outof my periphery.
so then after they went through who i was they went into the
dreaded, "so what questions do you have for our firm?"
i hate this. i don't have shit. i REALLY want to work for
you guys, but, does this sound arrogant? there is nothing i
feel i need to ask you?
but that would be a death-knell, so i ran through my laundry
list of pre-prepared questions. after i rattled them off
the guy folded his hands in a praryer like way, leaned
forward and said,
"have you read any of our decisions?"
this took me aback, thankfully i had the night before! but
jesus christ! so i discussed a decision i had read and i
think that that more than anything else impressed them.
so now i'm sitting here in the law library putting off
administrative law thinking about the interview.
it's hard to gauge interviews. i mean you know when you
bombed them (i can think of 3 i've had in my life where i
went out thinking, "well fuck that."). so i didn't have
that impression. but i just couldn't figure out how well i did.
in fact the more time that elapses the more nervous i'm
becoming.
did i overlaugh at his one joke?
should i have engaged the other guy in conversation?
did i answer a question wrong?
did i ask a wrong question?
so now i'm sitting here dissecting my interview like crazy.
it's not helping either that i've already gotten two momre
interview rejections this week.
well i guess we'll see what happens.

now my law school does a good job of keeping us from getting
at each others throats, but i could definitely pick up on
some snide looks as i came dressed up today. a very few
people had suits on and it was quite obvious for what they
were there for.
it was kind of weird, nto to mention sitting on a bus next
to someone yelling that the windows had to be closed because
the moths were getting into the bus.

put when i'm in my most perturbed state of all i like to
play one song that gets me rocking again, and that is social
distortion's ball and chain song. god i love that song. i
have never heard a song with more feeling.
in fact about a month ago i was asked what i would want as
my theme song (as in the song that would play as people
first saw me enter a room). i was really taken aback by the
question and its utter importance and i found i couldn't
come up with a satisfactory reply.
i started leaning towards the halloween theme music (the
music that is played when ever michael meyers enters the
screen in those movies). talk about a great mood setting.
could you imagine me getting into the interview room today
with that shit playing? you may not know much about me, but
if you saw me enter a room with that movie you'd know one
thing, i'm fucking crazy.
it would be great two like when i left the room to slowly
stare at the guy sitting to my right with the michael meyers
music playing and give him the, "i'm watching you" look
(i.e. pointing my middle & pointer finger towards my eyes
and then pointing at him).
awesome.
but now i think i want social distortion's song as my
anthem, my theme. it's just a great song and it gives off
the vibe that i strive to live by. relishing the realism of
life with all of its obsurtities, inequities, catastrophies,
and those fleeting moments of great pleasure that make it
all worthwhile.