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i like a lot of sports. i like basketball, i like golf (yes
i know that's strange), i even like baseball once in a
while, but nothing...and i mean nothing, compares to my
utter love and over infatuation with the game of football.
ever since i was a little kid i was all into football. back
then my favorite team was the 49ers (and i'm still called a
closet fan by some of my friends). i just remember my
brother and i getting to order nachos for the superbowl and
actually getting to stay up past our bedtimes, watching
stupid commercials and (more often than not) a thrilling game.
recently i have been introduced to this beauty of a gem
called fantasy football...as if i really needed an
ADDITIONAL reason to get all into a sunday's worth of
football. well i've been playing two years now and i have
to say i've actually had nightmares that i would forget to
sign up for a team in time before football season
starts...yeah i know...crazy.
but for all my love for football i don't really get the
rabid fan syndrome...i mean some people just wig the fuck
out if their team loses. the closest i get to that is when
virginia tech loses.
this past saturday, i went down to the basement of our
apartment building where the workout room was. for almost 4
hours i sat in this dimly lit basement, on an excerise bike,
so that i could watch the hokies play ECU. and the greatest
threat to my existence as a football fan came as i entered
that basement...someone was already there with a football
game on! i stared at the guy and i stared at the game...it
was nine in the fucking morning and he was watching colorado
vs. colorado state. he looked at me, grinned and said,
"do i have a fellow CSU fan here?"
"no...hokie." in a voice that made it sound like he had two
options 1.) change the channel and leave or 2.) die right
there in the basement.
surprisingly he just up and left. seriously. he didn't
even say a word and just left. awesome.
so i was thinking about how great football was as i was
sitting in on the mock trial court meeting listening to the
dipshits upfront tell us how rewarding groveling to federal
judges can be.
i struck up a conversation with tristan who looked equally
bored and we got on the subject of football. he's a rabid
(the true rabid) eagles fan. and man, eagles fans are
crazy. the second i told him that i picked bryan westbrook
as my starting rb he made it seem like i had just entered
into his family. he clapped me on the back and said,
"hell yeah!" (loud enough to interrupt the dunce up front,
but we really didn't care), then he got into a hushed
whisper, his lower lip trembled and he started sweating
(which isn't a big feat for him considering he's about 400
lbs)...i was inches from his sweaty face, his pores were
like little waterfountains on his humongous head,
"but...but, do you think that they're gonna go all the way?"
i didn't know what to say. he was looking at me like he had
just asked me if i could loan him $50 to keep the bookie
from busting his knee caps.
"hell yeah!" tristan repeated with a hearty slap on my
(still hurting) shoulder.
this time the front got angry and told us that we could just
leave. then they started telling us that if we wanted any
chance to sign up for the moot court competition, we would
have to become bailiffs first.
well that's a buncha fucking bullshit, because the signups
sheets (each which had 20 slots) were all full by the
overachievers. i'm not joking, about five people (2 of whom
i knew) had put their names down intermittently (a total of
7 times on each sheet) so that noone else had a chance to
because they're fucking asshole overachiever law students
and there's no explicit rule saying you could only put your
name down once, in fact the rules seem to ambiguously imply
that you should put your name down more than once.
i breathed this to tristan in disdain who immediately shot
his hand up and said,
"i believe nick has an issue with that."
i hate tristan.
so there i was with no recourse but to voice my complaint
like a whiney bitch-made nigga. what was worse was that
amanda (one of the multi-signers) was there and she started
defending herself in the usual assholish way,
"well SOME of us didn't know that that was wrong, IN FACT we
were lead to believe that we were supposed to sign up for
more than one."
"of the same position?"
after i said that i got a withering glare and decided to
shut up. buncha fuckers.
but then the real kicker came when i was talking to this
other girl sarah about her OCI application. i saw that she
had written a little note to the person reviewing her
application explicitly explaining what her writing sample
was about. i was kind of taken aback by this and looked at
it, then i looked at her statement of facts and remembered
why i hadn't done it too.
her statement of facts stated the exact identical things her
cover stated. she looked at me and noticed something was up,
"whats wrong? did you do a coverpage?"
now i should have just said, 'nawh' and left it at that, but
i'm also an idiot and i was like,
"well i thought about it, but then i thought it would be
like i'm talking down to them?"
"how so?" sarah asked increduosly, tearing the paper from
me, her eyes hungrily devouring each one of her finely
"well, you see here," and at this i pointed towards her
coverpage, "you say the same as," and here i kind of turned
the cover page to show the statement of facts hoping she
wouldn't eviscerate me, "here..the exact same thing. i..."
and now realizing what an ass i was coming out to be, "i
mean, i just...i thought they'd..." i felt the lump in my
throat...gonna die in the law library today, "figure it out
from the statement of facts, so it'd be like i didn't think
they could gather it themselves!" i practically blurted the
rest of it out like a donkey braying.
she stared at me wide-eyed and i couldn't tell if her eyes
were wide due to terror or rage.
"i've already sent this to 15 employers!"