An inconcluded life
I - July 28, 2004
Sitting in that airplane sobbing like a child makes
several people stare. This is the 6th time I have to say
goodbye without knowing whether I will see him again or
not. As much as I try to avoid the thoughts of all the
times we've had to say goodbye, they keep coming to my
mind and the sobbing worstens.
I am on my way to Stavanger, Norway. I just finished
spending one heck of a great week in Tromso, the largest
northernmost city of Norway. But I have been sent to
Stavanger because there is no other option.
I should be happy. I am going to see one of my best
friends from childhood. Haven't seen her in about 6 years
I would say. There must be a lot to talk about, make our
life updates, even though we have been quite good at
keeping in touch with this emailing technology.
Cellphones with GSM systems are great. Write your message,
punch in a few numbers and "voilï¿½"! The other person is
right there, at the tip of your fingers. But cellphones
must be turned off during the length of the flight, we
don't want to cause interference. I guess I must wait
until we land to send my messages.
The beauty of Europe, specially Scandinavia not only lies
in its breathtaking scenery, but also in its punctuality
and organization. The bus leaves the airport at 10
minutes past 6 and should arrive in Sandnes 23 minutes
later. Awesome. This guy knows what he's doing! The door
of the bus opens, I punch the "send" button with a message
that reads "BOO!" and she's right outside the door
waiting for me with the hugest smile ever.
After six years Angie still looks the same. Maybe some 80
pounds heavier, but then again, we all gain some weight.
I guess she kind of lost control and went berzerk eating
the best chocolate on earth. We hug and start talking in
spanish. Passersby can't avoid staring. Panamanians have
the bad habit of talking in a very loud tone of voice.
After the ritual of salutation we go to the train station
and sit there for some time to wait for the train to take
Angie's story is quite peculiar. We can say she has had a
pretty miserable life as a grown up. She had the brightest
future among all of us when we were in school.
Intelligent, cute, responsible, nice, polite, you name it,
she had it. But something went wrong. Who knows if we
will ever find out, but all I can say is that life is one
great mistery. It should have been I the one ending up
with a miserable future. I was the school bum,
irresponsible, party animal, dare devil, mischievous,
breaking the rules and always living on the edge.
However, I turned out quite successful in terms of
Today Angie has a handicapped husband who only gave her
one year of healthy life, 4 kids of 3 different men
(including her husband), a rented house, life on welfare
and uncertainty that goes by day by day. Yet, to some
point, I feel she deserves it. She could have worked
harder, or could have been less dum, but she was not.
Maybe she played the wrong pieces. But that is all
material crap. She's got nothing, I've got everything.
Let's talk about spiritual or "unmaterial" things. She's
got everything and I've got almost nothing. Or so I feel.
She's got four kids to live for and look after; a loving
husband that even though he gives her a lousy sex life, he
loves her. She's got a family of her own. I've got
nothing. I've been married twice. Both times big mistake:
pregnancy. However, I've got no kids. Twice I've lost
them. I was supposed to get some tests and crap done but
after the second divorce I just let it slip by.
On the other hand, today I have everything anyone my age
wishes to have. I have a big, beautiful house with a low
mortgatge, a nice 4x4 truck, shoes, clothes, trips,
things! You name it, I have it. But am I happy? That is
something to ponder about. Yes indeed, I have had my
happy moments in life. I do have a mother, a father and a
brother who care dearly about me. But that's it. I don't
have what I have always looked for, a family of my own.
Somehow I've failed in that subject. I have not been able
to manage holding on to someone to form a family. I
definitely have my theory about it, but those who've heard
it think it is quite lame.
We reached her friend's house and this lady receives us
with a table full of oriental style food. Man it was
awesome! After a full week of living on pizza, hotdog meny
tilbud and bread with ost, this is like being at a greek
festival!!! So we eat and I get to see 2 of Angie's kids,
the ones I met before she left out country. They've
grown. I remember the youngest one when she was born! Now
she's seven, and she looks like a princess.
It's 9.30pm and the train is no longer running. I guess
we will have to take a cab to her place and I will have to
pay for it as she is broke. Yes indeed, let's go home, I
am tired and I need to rest.