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On-Campus Interviewing is gonna be a bitch
sometime during the summer, while working hard at my
position at a law firm, i did what most normal (yet slightly
deranged) law students tend to do. i started worrying about
my future, specifically my job for the next summer.
i perused my law school's "career website" an absolute
fucking joke and finally came across this thing called OCI
(which is the acronym for On-Campus Interview). i had no
idea what OCI was so i decided to research it some. well it
just so happened that all of the major law firms only did
OCI (because they have the clout to pull that shit), and
essentially if i didn't have my applications ready by the
end of august i was fucked.
that's right. i had to have my shit for next summer together
by the end of this summer. i frantically called the career
services, the assistant of which treated me to a verbal ass
fucking, condescendingly "explaining" to me the veritable
intricacies of OCI, that apparently i, in my sole
un-comprehending nature, was inable to grasp.
after a few choice words to the dumbass assistant i started
putting together my applicatoins.
do you know how hard it is to write a one page cover letter
about yourself? try it sometime. the problem with writing
about yourself (as opposed to say...about someone else) is
that you don't want to sound like a pompous dick. you
mainly do this by listing your experiences rather than
affirmatively stating why you're god's gift to lawyers.
for example: Thanks to my ability to get the slide
projector to work my group was able to present our
power-point presentation. = I'm technologically savvy and a
it's hard to condense events like that into one page, so it
took me close to two weeks to finally get a workable cover
so anyways, there was this OCI "refresher course" yesterdya
which was utterly fucking worthless. i learned two things
1.) there were a lot of people there who knew a lot less
than i did about it and were freaking out because the due
date for the first round of interviews was the following day
(leave it to our career services to explain to you what you
need to do the day before its due).
2.) apparently OCI is really only for the top portion of
the class. in other words, if you're out of the top 20%
don't even think about applying.
now you may be saying to yourself, "well shit top 20%?
that's pretty high". That translates into about 60 people
in just my class alone. what exactly are the other 240
supposed to do?
well unfortunately one of my friends was one of the "don't
even think about applying categories".
"this is fucking lame, what am i supposed to do? apply?
waste my time?"
"well you never know what they're going to look for."
"bullshit, they're looking at class rank, after that they
may care if you're good with languages."
and the sad thing is that it was hard for me to cheer him up
because what he was saying was so horribly true. the only
thing more competitive than law school itself is getting a
(good) job in the law.
i've basically applied to the top 25 law firms in my city.
that's right, i did 25 applications, took me for fucking
ever, and you know what? i'm not so sure i'm going to get
then even if i do get that interview, i have to tickle their
balls enough so that they will give me a "call-back" then i
have a nerve-racking day at a law firm, being quizzed by 5 -
10 attorneys for a whole day.
shoot me now.
i'm really mad at my career place here. they certainly
screwed a lot of people out of a chance to even apply
through their shoddy representation of OCI. i am kind of
wondering if they're playing it down to some degree because
it is so highly competitive sort of a "don't worry, this
isn't a big deal."
but isn't it?
don't you at least want the chance to apply to the top law
firms? why does this school feel like it needs to baby us
and nurse our egos all the time?
just fucking tell us what to do and then tell us to do it.
i guess the one part that i hated most of all during the
seminar yesterday was how they were like,
"if you're not in the top 20%...i mean...you can try...but
let's save some trees guys."
fuck you guys.
i had the pleasure of watching lil wayne's "stuntin' like my
daddy" video the other day. not only was i contemplating on
using his lyrics in my cover letter:
Dear Ms. James,
bitch I'm paid that's all i gotta say,
can't see this lil law student cos de money's in the way
and i'm sitting high (in the rankings), a law student ride
blades and if you ain't gonna hire me you might as well hate,
if your recruiting lawyer wanna play imma fuck around and
put that boy's brains on the table, where i'm from we see a
dead lawyer every day.
i'm in my zone, my style is so rare man,
if there a throne, you lookin' at de chairman,
how you want me? show me my competing law students...show me
my competing law students.
and of course i would have to also say this at the first
interview, but only if i'm sitting there in a wife-beater
with a guy tattooing my neck as i'm talking to them (you
have to watch this video, it's hilarious).
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