Topsy Kretts

Breathing in the same sequence
2007-08-24 03:09:51 (UTC)

august 24 2007

felt like i already hit rock bottom
but now i feel...like...
here's the rock bottom
underneath is
50 feet of crap
and then underneath that 50 ft of crap
...is me.

This is me!
i don't wanna do anything, don't want to go anywhere, i
find it so difficult to stop thinking too much.I'm
obsessed with my own death.I feel so resigned...sometimes
it makes me cry to wake up in the morning and realize i'm
still alive. I dread the night cus it's so unbearable but
i can't sleep. If i had a choice i prefer to be left
alone..so people would not see me in my state....well
ofcourse they don't always see me in this state...cus
sometimes i need to pretend that i'm ok but i'm not...and
i will never be ok. I feel whenever i speak of these
things...i freak people out...some even hate me...
...and they'd rather not listen...all they wanna see is a
cheerful me...all they wanna hear about is how great the
day was for me...or how i see life as a wonderful gift...
which often leads me to the question"WHY? Why can't i be
just like them?"
some people try so hard to make me see life the way they
do...but i can't cus i don't...and i know one day...i'll
be all alone...people will get tired of all my whinnings...
if it were only that ez to be wat i'm not.... =(




Ad: