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2007-08-13 23:05:01 (UTC)


It's been over 3 yrs since I've been here..... Kinda weird
to go back now and see all the things I was worried about
then.. They're nothing compared to now.

My husband Mike passed away on Dec 19, he had a massive
heart attack in front of me just as we were getting ready
to leave for work that morning. I've never felt as alone
in my life as I do now, and I don't know what I'm going to
do. I thought I was doing good, "too good", even felt
guilty because I didn't feel like I'd suffered enough, but
the past few weeks, it's been tough. It's like the more
time that passes, the harder it gets. I hate being alone,
I absolutely HATE it.......

I've been going out off and on for the past few months,
trying to get to know people, have fun, have someone to
hang out with... But it seems to depress me even more. I
don't feel like anybody wants me, or anybody cares about
me... I have a few guys who want to SLEEP with me, but
nobody wants to date me, or love me... I hate being alone
so bad!! I've even slept with a few guys.... But that's
all it was, and it wound up hurting me even more because
it makes me realize nobody wants anything to do with me
except sex. I hate my life, still..... Now I can't kill
myself thou, the kids had a hard time dealing with losing
Mike also, they couldn't handle losing me now.. At least
not this soon anyway. I wish I could thou, I hate being
alone, I hate coming home and not having anyone here
waiting on me, or on their way home to me to hold me and
love me, and take care of me.

I'm so tired of crying every day and night.... :(

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