The meanderings of a mind
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2007-08-05 03:46:51 (UTC)

what I miss

I miss writing. I miss reading what I've written and being
somehow separated and thinking to myself, damn, that's a
cool person. I'd be her friend. I miss knowing what to
call something. I miss knowing what something is. I was
never a label person, but at least I used to know what
something's label was. Aaron was my world. I had to
recreate. Reinvent. I guess the world doesn't allow for
someone else to be your world. Mine was taken away...okay,
so it drove away, and then I found myself. I don't always
like what I found, but it's real and it's there and it's
probably gonna keep changing and keep staying the same. I
miss having someone get my rambling. Someone who gets my
joke, my wit, my facial expressions. I miss words.
I miss the way a hand fits so perfectly in your own. D's
hand was too big. It felt good rubbing my back or my feet,
but it hurt to hold his hand. Holding hands shouldn't
hurt. I miss the back rubs and the footrubs though.

Oh yeah, I miss being able to split a spicy chicken and big
bacon classic at wendy's. The silly things I miss.

I miss all the things I hated too. How pathetic is that?
The wet washclothes in the bathtub come to mind.

I miss the music. Living life to music.

Somehow I got off track. I had these plans. I had a
direction. Then one day you come home from work and your
map is all torn up on the livingroom floor and I'm
zigzagging around life. Forward and backward. Side to
side. I don't know what tomorrow will bring or where it
will take me and I don't want to know. I don't want to
make plans because plans crumble.

I miss the parts of me that are gone.

That's when I knew. That I could never have you. I knew
that before you did.
I hope you take a piece of me with you.