Soul Flares
Ad 0:
2007-08-04 18:08:18 (UTC)

what can I feel?

I don't know what I can feel at all. I wanna break down and
cry because I'm so afraid that I can't do this. I want cut
and let out some of this anxiety. I want to be held by
someone for a while...and just feel better.

Yet I also want to be happy; to be excited about becoming a
mother; because it's my dream. I just don't know what to do.
I feel trapped; like if I feel happy my parents will just
hate me more for getting pregnant. If I break down it just
proves them right; that I can't handle this and I need to
give up my child. My baby girl.

Only I'm so scared. My parents want me to be scared; they
want me to see this all as one big mistake...but I can't.
I'm terrified and I can't turn to them. they'll just say;
see, this is what happens when you sin! I want my boy; I
just wanna curl up in his arms and feel safe. I wanna cry,
and be happy for this child; this gift that I've been given.

I want so much...but I don't know what I'm allowed to
have...if anything at all.