the last of my dear animals passed away more than a week
ago. that's how busy i've been. i actually haven't had a
chance to write something about him unitl a fucking week and
a half after his death.
harold was my other rat. harold and moses. moses died a
while back from what i think was a brain tumor. harold
lived on for more than 8 months after that. but most
importantly, harold was my only companion while i was all
alone and juli was away.
for hours on end once i got home from school i would have
him out and he would scurry around in his little rat
bouncing way, always skirting in and out from underneath my
feet. climbing my jeans (or sometimes painfully my flesh)
in hopes of finding food.
as he got older he became more docile and so he and i would
sit together on the couch and watch everything from king of
queens to seinfeld.
i eventually acted like an old senile woman with her 20
cats, who thinks that each and every one not only can
understand what the fuck she's saying but also that they are
the ONLY ones who can understand it.
so there i would sit with harold curled up in my lap, his
faint but rapid heartbeat really being the only response i
would get to all of the questions i would rhetorically pose.
it's crazy how soothing such one-sided conversations really
are. looking back at my time alone, i don't think i could
have handled it as gracefully without harold there.
there's just something great about having another living
being there. it makes you feel like life has a purpose. i
HAD to leave the law library around 7 at night because
harold WAS hungry.
well now i no longer have my harold, in fact, other than my
brother's cat i don't have any animals in my life anymore,
which is actually quite odd in a way.
i've always had an animal in my life, it's going to be a bit
lonely, but i think i really want a bulldog, but at the same
time i just don't have the fucking time.