ftrestarr*

Insane in the Membrane
2007-07-25 07:59:52 (UTC)

Dashboard confessionsal- Hands..

Dashboard confessionsal- Hands Down

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
This air is blessed, you share with me
This night is wild, so calm and dull
These hearts they race from self control
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury
or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer

The words are hushed let's not get busted
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered
Safe in here from all the stupid questions
"Hey did you get some?"... Man, that is so dumb
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear
So we can get some

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury
or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember
Always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together

The streets were wet and the gate was locked
so I jumped it, and let you in
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew that you meant it
that you meant it, that you meant it
I knew that you meant it, that you meant it

Sometimes God works in twisted ways. I wake up crying
sometimes. At times I cry during the day. When I'm driving
in my car I'll start screaming. Maybe I'm going crazy, but
look at the world we live in. Look at you. You're with
someone else. Alex and I talked today and she said it could
be because she's disconnected and an easy out. You are in
need of something a little less of Cassie Silva...something
called love and you just can't seem to find it in the right
people. When I saw you today my mind was somewhere else. I
don't know why you think what you think..I'm not in your
head. I'm sad. I don't know how I'll fix this. I just don't
know. I'm losing hope today and that hurts so bad..I
believe in you...I believe in my boy...and yet, right now
that's someone I hate because he's too selfish and full of
himself that he has to hurt people around him. There is no
right answers. I'm at the point where I'm turing great guys
down to stay loyal when you're off giving me a big slap in
the face. And I just think of what the fuck I'm doing
sometimes. You know? This could just be a big waste of
time.. But this girl...her dreams...her heart they belong
to this boy. Where is there to go from here? Another night
alone for me and another night of lies for you. It's been
nearly a month and I know that it's just the beginning. I
told Drue today that the best advice that I can give her is
to be mean. I just can't seem to see how good peole who do
good things are wronged time after time. Why do we teach
our children to be kind and sensitive when in the real
world the real fucks are the ones who get what they want
and the ones that are respected. I'm bitter right now. I'm
so angry with you...I'm hurt and jealous of this life..I
want to just sleep it away. I wish you were hurting for me
too.....but I know you are not. You haven't changed. She's
full of crap. It must be great to be on the outside like
her. She has no idea. She's not the one taking care of your
family, waiting late at night for her boy to turn around
and come back to her....she thinks you've changed but you
haven't....that's naive impatience...She has no idea that
when you went out to see her and make her life better to
get a quick fix that you simultainiously flaking on your 3
sisters and the love of your life. She doesn't know that
you still ask your dad for money and are still after me.
how comforting to have a decent sleep finally for her. But,
at the same time how could I be hypocritical towards her..I
preach to my sisters that we should love and be kind and
kill with kindness. It's just not fair.......I'm not sure
who I would want to be. I don't have answers or know
results to tell. Maybe it is love....maybe I'm wrong. I'm
not positive I would want to be the one who is used. And
the tears just keep falling. This is just a time for
suffering for something great. Something unexplainable.
And, if I am right about something in life and if all that
I have done and said really rings true in the end then you
will come home to me and we will fix this. I'm sick knowing
that you've done what you have. When you call my phone, I
don't want to answer knowing the words your using will
overlap with her at sometime in the future...that those
hands that fit mine like a puzzle are trying to be stuffed
into a mismatch. My mind hurts...To be ripped away from
something...and you'll just never know....you never will
know until you're ready...and that takes time and a lot of
it. Today I knew nothing would happen because you're not
ready....the way I hate waiting the more I appreciate it
because I know the more time that passes the more
indescibable healing will be able to take place and happen
and time will make these awkward times fall into place. It
will work out..I want to write how much I love you and rave
about you...but, I just can't...not today, not tonight. My
sister is sleeping...good, let her sleep. I'll snuggle up
to her later tonight. She is beautiful and looks like
you...there are times in the day when she reminds me of you
and those times are precious. She had a hard time today, I
know that she will grow from this as I did. I want to
protect her from everything but I just can't. I'm sad that
I have to protect her from you right now. I'm skeptical to
even use "you"...because that's not what it is. I her
innocence puts what I feel into perfect words better then
my complicated mind. She's not jaded to the world yet and I
love that. She is so special I wish you could be here to
see how amazing she is turning out to be. She was upset
today though. I didn't know if seeing youhad made her
better or worse but she said it made it better. Her crying
makes me cry...we feel the same about a lot of things. She
said you don't look happy and I knew you weren't. This is
all end. I can't wait until it does.....I'm breaking
down...And it's just the beginning...and maybe, if we're
lukii, it's the beginning of the end.




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