blkdragon

grounded
2007-07-16 01:41:57 (UTC)

The return-8

5/28--9:10AM—I was on the phone with Pretty yesterday, I
called her and she called me a couple of times, we ended the
day together. Kathy called me to ask if our Son had gotten
paid, I told her that he had and she asked why he hadn’t put
minutes on his phone, my guess is he didn’t want her calling
to ask for money; she asked me to have him call her and I’m
not the switchboard operator. Kathy needs to get her act
together and stop putting weight on Charles that he doesn’t
need!
I got up early to exercise, then laid back down, it’s now
going on 6pm and I’ve been in my office most of the day; I
got some new music and did some cleaning. I’m going to
shower and rinse the dirt off my car.
Wasn’t able to do the car and my first Newburg broke, I
didn’t watch carefully enough and the egg and butter mixture
separated, not to mention that the monkfish had spoiled as
well. I redid the Newburg to find that it won’t microwave
well, the sauce is too delicate and it should be prepared in
a double boiler.
I called Charlotte, she’s having surgery for fibroids
tomorrow, I felt odd; probably because I’d rather be there
for her and I don’t like the idea that she’s dealing with
this alone. As I recall, my Sister had the operation and I
should call her tomorrow, I actually should have called her
days ago; she was also alone if I’m not mistaken.
6/1--11:03PM—Charlotte is rescheduled to return to the
hospital for surgery on Monday, her call to apologize has
become a conundrum, I’d received an email suggesting the
call and the fact that I’d be happy with the news I’d hear;
the last thing in the world I want to do is celebrate
someone else’s misery. I will say that I’m glad Charlotte’s
finally seen the truth of her supposed friendships, how that
plays towards our having a more personal relationship
remains to be seen, I find myself being careful with her
now; whereas before I’d just be open with my feelings.
I saw Sheridan at the rink last Tuesday, reminded him that
we needed to have our talk, we’d both be free for it on
Wednesday and decided to meet at the 76Diner @ 6; Ray had
come to me earlier in the day with a problem and I had to
attend to that before meeting with Sheridan.
Ray told me that he’d gotten a call from his Grandmother
about his Grandfather’s failing health, his Grandfather has
been in prison for the last 30 years, the Grandfather killed
two men that raped his Wife; Ray said he needed to talk to
me to keep from becoming emotionally overwhelmed. We were
working and finding the time for that proved to be
impossible, at lunch I bee-lined for my car and Ray said he
called out to me, he usually goes to get high with
co-workers or socializes with others; I’d rather be alone.
He came to me later in the day and I knew he needed money,
the irony is that I knew exactly how much he’d ask for and I
took him to get the cash before heading for my talk with
Sheridan, he asked me to call him when I’d finished having
my talk; he’d text me to tell me that his phone died. I
don’t think Ray has a car charger for his phone and even if
he did, he probably wouldn’t have remembered to grab it on
his way out of town, he was heading to Jersey to see his
Grandmother; I’d told him to call off work the next day and
they told him that if he didn’t come to work he wouldn’t
have a job.
Sheridan and I engaged in small talk at the Diner, I
realized my conversation was far too private for such a
public place and decided to broach the subject in the
parking lot, I had to get up to get the attention of my
waiter; it was time to leave. During our chat, Sheridan
asked if I were more attracted to women than men, I thought
that to be a ridiculous question to ask; knowing that
Sheridan understood the nature of my need to talk with him
privately, I assumed the question was his way of
misdirecting me. I answered that I was only attracted to
women and he echoed my sentiments, why would the question
arise if there were no doubts as to Sheridan’s sexual
preferences, he offered to shoot pool and I thought we might
be able to have that talk at the Diamond8; I was wrong. We
shot distractedly and Sheridan wanted to leave, he told me
that he needed to spend some time with Anne, I followed him
to his car and proceeded to tell him what the problem was;
he told me that he wasn’t aware of the fact that the bar he
took me to in Troy was a Gay Bar. I mentioned the fact that
I’d first thought he was just touchy-feely and he asked if
his touching me made me uncomfortable, I told him that
wasn’t the problem, the problem was that his touch suggested
an intimacy that we don’t and would never share; his was not
the touch of camaraderie. Sheridan told me that he would
back off with the touching, I told him that our friendship
was not in question, as long as he respected the boundaries
that exist; there was a moment of awkwardness upon our
separation and we’d clasp each other’s forearms in farewell.
I headed to the rink last night, I’d find myself working in
the bindery and was asked to work for Chuck today, since I’d
be working my day off; I left yesterday at 3:30. I arrived
on time this morning, even though I woke late, Chuck asked
me to work tomorrow but I’ll be working on the Harris with
Kenny from 6-12.
I find myself wondering about Charlotte, if she’s thinking
of me, missing me or if she’s still tripping off thoughts of
Billy and Alberta? I also find myself wondering if I’m
making the right decision to consider a relationship with
her, being that she’d have to be the one making the life
changes, perhaps I’m just putting the cart before the horse.
I gave Ray $100, I won’t ask him to return the money and I’m
wondering if he’s considering returning it tomorrow, I need
to do my taxes to have the money ready for my trip to see my
Mother at the end of July and I need to contact the
Insurance company to inform them that they still owe me
monies for the month of February.




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