lee_the_messed_up_punk

my #ucked up life
2007-07-06 05:22:30 (UTC)

the void

11:34AM

Today's been a ruff day, I was able to find a home for
the kitten that wasn't sick and made a friend at the same
time who's in a rock group so we really got along and he
lives just a block away so I can visit the cat whenever I
want but the rest, Tim, Tom and Willy are gone and I can
already feel a void in my life. I believe while I had them
I treated them like gold and hope that they find new
owners, maybe ones with kids and a house with a yard that
treat them as well as I did.

It was almost impossible to get Tom and Willy into a
large Christmas can that my mother gave me and while I was
chasing Tom around my apartment he was spraying on me and
the floor as he put up a fight almost as if he knew what
was happening. Tim was calm since I used to take her to my
mothers often and sat on my lap the whole ride, letting a
little meaw here and there wondering where she was going.
Knowing that I was soon to part with two animals who I
considered family was hard and I had to hold in my sadness
as my brother talked to me on the way there. It was hard
to concentrate but I didn't cry.

The same went while I was there, Dave stayed outside
while I answered many questions about each cat, where they
good with kids, were they destructive, did they ever bite
anyone and so on. While I answered the questions I
couldn't help but watch them being weighed and put in cages
hoping the questions would stop soon before I started to
cry. They wanted twenty-five dollars per cat but I tried
to explain to them that I was on disability and only get
$150 a month for food, clothing and entertainment, so there
would be no way I could pay them any time soon. I signed
an IOU, walked up to the cages and put my hand hoping that
Tim or Tom would come to me but they shivered in the back
of the metal cage. The tin that I thought he would jump
out of that was so hard to put Tom into, he peaked out and
didn't want to leave.

When it was over and she said I could go, I walked to
my brothers car and balled my eyes out the same way I did
when my dog Mugsey had to be put to sleep. He kept telling
me to let it out but I couldn't, I loved them too much and
if I let out all my sadness I would break down. He gave me
a spray that eliminates oders that works real well and
twenty dollars so that I could get myself a pack of smokes
and use the other ten for whatever else I needed which was
unexpected because on my way there I asked him for seven
dollars and he said no but I guess while I was inside
answering all those questions he went to the bank machine
and somewhere to buy the spray.

I'll never forget the day that I died multiple times
in my chair where my heart stopped that Tim raced around my
apartment and slamming herself into my front door and other
walls trying to get peoples attention then back onto my
chest looking directly in my eyes the same way she would
some days when I would awake from a dream. I hope we meet
again in another life or in dreams like we have before and
feel guilty for giving away someone who I believe truly
loved me and I will always love her and him for the rest of
my life.

lee





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