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2007-06-30 02:08:42 (UTC)

Sweet Destruction

Holy shit. It's been over a year since I've written
anything. Things have been...different. Me and Josh lasted
21 months. But he dumped me a little over a month ago. It
took time, but I'm over him now. I don't really want to
date anyone else though. I like being single. I've changed
A LOT this year too. I'm not a goody two shoes bitch
anymore. I've gotten drunk and done a lot of things I
wouldn't have done last year.

But as usual I still have lots of thoughts.

I don't really want to use this diary as a "I did this and
this and this today" kind of thing though. I want to focus
on my inner thoughts. Maybe say what happened, then
reflect. I also want to use this to scribble down lyrics
that I've written.

I'm just copying this from my legal pad.

Song Ideas/Names/Blah

Sellout at 16
Craving Spotlight
Newfound Slut
Best Friend Betrays You

I'm only sixteen,
And I've already given up on my dreams
I'm just sixteen,
And I already think that loves a crock
I'm all washed up
And I don't see the point of things.

Sixteen, and you're already selling out
Sixteen, and you're already putting out
Barely sixteen and she's ready to give up on her dreams,
Just trying to fit into her own skin

Life's throwing curve balls her way
She lost her best friend and now her only dignity,
She's ready to do anything to feel relief,
Even if it means losing who she wants to be.


I feel at home
In the darkness
It's a bitter return
To the company of myself.

Think twice before you sell your soul

Suffocating feelings
Love doesn't exist
Resist the temptation
To slit my damn wrists

Life is pointless
Everything is a lie
Things to write about:
Fuck off
I hate myself
Returning to depression

...That's all I have.

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