taking heed

slightly exaggerated
2007-06-20 01:12:09 (UTC)

so difficult, this thing.

i heart huckabees is about exestentialism... for non-
cripples. The mysteries of life are harder to ponder when
you can't walk a straight line and you can't stand in one
place and no one REALLY takes you seriously.

I'm not one to bemoan my state of being on a habitual
basis, especially when loaded with zoloft, but fucking
cocksucker mother shit cunt. Have the years of drinking
and other such substance abuse finally begun to exact
their long-term revenge... long-term??! That shit didn't
help, but inevitability is inevitable whatever the
timeline.

Ambition for me is a foreign concept, save when it comes
to one topic. I NEVER want to be in a wheelchair. I'd
rather crawl, slither, roll, die.. anything. If you ever
find me in a wheelchair, know that I'm miserable and
everything else was exhausted and reexhausted.

I tire quicker. I focus exclusively on walking to my
highest standard, it does not feel right. I stumble to the
right and bump into the couch. I approach a mirror. Look
ahead and witness it in 3rd person or keep staring at my
feet on the floor? Why are you so glum? I grab for a
bottle of water in the fridge and knock it over. Focus! I
don't bother twisting the top with my hands. Teeth are a
great invention. Buttons, snaps, zippers, darkness,
staires, anxiety, lineups, unopened products, pets on
leashes, no chair, uneven terrain, a cold, lack of sleep,
shower, toothbrush, crowds, ice, hugs, intercourse,
socks...

Now maintain a job, get a house, and just TRY to live a
fulfilling life.


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