Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
2007-06-15 00:39:03 (UTC)

The Summer Blues of 2007

Its June now I think.. I had stopped marking the days
off on my calendar. I've lost track of time, and I'm also
lost in thought. I can't explain it exactly. I was just
looking at my last dairy entry. Compared to what I have
here... I mean... WOW. My Job ain't going so well anymore.
Been almost six months so far... Nate got fired recently. He
wasn't work oriented enough I guess. JC is already looking
for a new job. Robert... ::sighs:: I don't know. I feel kind
of upset with him lately.
I just realized Astrid took it upon herself to take her
profile off my own myspace friends list. For reasons why I
don't know yet. She and robert still talk... and I just
can't tell you how much it hurts me. I tried to send her a
message, but I don't know if she'll ever return it. Whats
worse is... my job is getting me depressed and angry at the
same time... it was fun but now... I just can't keep it up.
Me and Martha... I've been having a really hard time
trying to decide whats best for us. I won't lie. I love her
so much, and she hasn't done anything to hurt me or done
anything wrong. Its just all me and my own stupid problems.
I let myself fall down so far you know? Now I feel like
we're drifting apart or something. She loves me so much like
you wouldn't believe, and all I do is feel sad about myself,
and think about how I never return all the love she has ever
gave to me. To make matters worse, the motorcycle I had set
my heart on buying is now no longer being sold...
I feel like I have almost nothing left but ashes here.
I've been considering college too. Maybe try to get into
photography or something fun. Did I mention one of my
fillings came out, and I may not have insurance to cover it?
I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to anymore... I feel
so sad and alone. Everyone has someone but me. Where...?
Where did everything start going wrong? When will it stop?
But what I wonder the most is how will I come out on top of
it all?
I want to talk to robert about why he is being so
"friendly" with my ex-girlfriend. He and JC have the habit
of trying to get with ex-girlfriends of ours. Am I that evil
to deserve such pain? What sin have I commited to have
brought so much hurt in my life? I just wanted this summer
to be so full of fun and happiness....