Waka Waka Waka
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2007-05-23 13:19:29 (UTC)

Just a small update

Not to much to update. I have been back at my second job
and they ask me last week to start also working during the
week after my office job (I put in about 18-20 hours a
weekend at my second job) so I went from working 74-76
hours a week to over 80 hours a week and I am a walking
wreak!!!!!!!!!!!!! I keep telling myself "this is my last
year working two jobs, this is my last year working two
jobs!!!!" my oldest is alittle upset at how many hours I
am working and ask that if he promises to be good would I
quite the one job and go back to bartending on the weekends
because I was working less hours and making more money but
I told him that he had already broke my trust and I wasn't
going to trust him for a long time. I could make in 4
hours at the bar what I make in 12 hours at my other
weekend job----but it is not worth the worry about what my
oldest is doing. But I am way tired.

My oldest has started a part time job (thank you God,
because now he can start paying his own car insurance) and
he worked last night for the first time. He had to work
right from school until 11:00 last night and of course my
dog woke me up attacking the door when he came in and I ask
him how the first night was and he told me that he was ache
but he enjoyed the people that he was working with. He
said that he was working with my X-step son and that they
talked about what an ass "dickhead" was and how that my
step son has refused to see him in the last year because
how abusive he is. At first I have to admitt that I
felt "validated" that he realized just how abusive his
father was to all of us (except of course to his daughter)
then that changed to pity because even though I
hate "dickhead" with every fiber that I have----I know how
much he loves his kids---------and he is so screwed up in
the head on relationships that he means well with his
children-----he is just sooooooooooo mean to everyone who
tries to get close to him. That is one thing I never
understood---I mean----this is his first born son----named
after him---------and I took many a beating sticking up for
this child (and I'm only the step mom) he seemed to go
after his oldest and my oldest constantly and babied his
youngest and my youngest. I really do feel sad that he has
now lost his only son because of his temper and knowing him
like I do------he is blaming everyone around him but
himself for losing the relationship with his child. How
does one get so messed up in the head that they can't see
what they are doing to their own child???? "Dickhead" has
so much potential to be such a great person but his mouth
and his fist get in the way----I must be past the anger
because now all I feel is pity----I pity him because I am
now back at a "peaceful" time of my life---what I use to
feel before I met him---and I hear things about him about
how much he is faltering in money (surprise!!!! He dosen't
have me there to pay all his bills) and how he is moving
girl after girl in with him trying to get them to pay his
way and they keep leaving. He has had a girl stay living
with him for the last 5 months and I feel so bad for her---
knowing what she must be going through. He pushed me to
get married---I just wanted to live together but he refused
to live together because it "wouldn't be morally right for
our children" so why is it so different now for him with
moving girl after girl in?? His family has been calling
me and trying to get back in my house saying that they want
to come in and get some of his stuff (come on!!! It has
been 3 years since we split!!!!! Trust me---there is
nothing left of his!) So the question that I keep thinking
about is--------Why after all this time are you people
snooping around me again???? Trust me----he is YOUR
problem not mine. YOU take care of him---I'm to busy. I
want nothing to do with HIM or YOU people---LEAVE ME

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