soul survivor
2007-05-17 09:27:29 (UTC)

I can t sleep....and i feel so..

I can't sleep....and i feel so damn sick and my stomach
friggin hurts, I think it's the coffee also mixing with
the pepsi, of course stupid me knows that i don't get
along with coffee before i go to bed.

So here's the info on my beautiful life. Cameron and are
still together, but we almost broke up over this guy . I
know it can never happen cause this is my life and i have
cameron who treats me with every ounce of respect there
is. This is one guy who will fight and fight for me and
fight for us. I'm like every bit confused about things
thats between considering i shouldn't be cause we've been
together for almost 3 years now. It's like am I making a
mistake in life about not dating as much as i should be at
my age or have i found my true soulmate?? I believe in
love at first sight, i love romance i love being loved and
love to love. I see signs everywhere that were meant to be
then why am i still questioning?? i love this boy but why
i am still wondering?? i know i need some soul searching,
but really i have done all the soul searching i need. But
why do i still feel this way?
I only keep coming to this one conclusion
*I don't want to get burned by a guy. I've been burned by
guys before, they use me! I know all guys are like that
when they wanna fuck a piece of ass. I just don't wanna go
through that. I don't wanna go through from starting
scratch all over again. Is that why i'm still hanging on
to cameron?? so i don't have to start all over again? I
realize that i don't wanna date other guys, yeah i see
them and i think their hot..sure! i love attention. But is
it selfish of me..hanging on to cameron??cause i know he
won't leave me. When were together...everything feel soooo
damn right between us..especially when were not saying
anything at all, when i'm with him there's this comfort
level that is just perfect.
In my mind i've asked and wished for someone like cameron,
someone who loves me for me , to love me just as much as i
love them. I feel everything that i ever wanted in a
relationship has come true, i should feel so damn lucky
right?? and i do feel lucky, but in some way i feel like
life didn't takes it's course it's like i played with fate
for asking and asking and it's here to teach me friggin
lesson not to ask for things. But at the sametime i
believe in it so much that fate stepped in to help me, and
see that i needed guideance, and this is the person whose
suppose to give it to me.