Goodnight, Starlight.

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2007-05-08 21:01:43 (UTC)

may 8th 07.. wtf 07

well, hello there.

its been mega since i wrote last. i was just sitting here
and i decided to look up my old diary and i came across
this. just reread everything i wrote and i used to sound
like a fag, why was i even in existence.

things are really good. by the way i look at it, ive changed
so much as a person (for the better). or i guess you could
just say that i've grown up. and it feels so good.

paul did end up coming in february for my birthday as a
surprise, and i cant say that it was great because bad
things happened. but i appreciated the visit. simon i broke
up a few months after that, and since june hes been dating
another girl. i just hope hes happy. we haven't talked in
about a year.

for my birthday my mother surprised me with a plane ticket
to england for may, which i was stoked about. i had the best
time of my life. i was seeing a boy named colin at the time,
which made me restrain from paul which hurt so bad because
ive been mad about this boy for 3 years. we hooked up when
drunk, and he would always tell me he loved me but i could
never reply because i didnt want to ruin things with colin
and i, which was complete bull shit and ended as soon as i
got home anyway. that, im glad of.
i pretty much forgot about everthing with paul and i and
just wrote him off as my best friend because he found
someone new, they're still together but i guess its a little
so then i started liking a boy named evan and in sept 06 we
started hooking up and it continued until april 07. i
stopped liking him a really really long time ago though so
none of it actaully meant anything. he now has a girlfriend
so im happy for him.

2 or so years later and i still feel like all i can rant
about is paul, maybe i havent grown up as much as i thought?
anyway, im continuing.
he told me he would wait for me and i dont know if that is
still the deal but all i know is im going there as soon as
possible and i want to spend every waking moment with him
and do all of those corny things with him.
if he still has that girlfriend when i go, it's going to
crush me and i feel so selfish for that. i just dont want
the same thing to happen to him as it did me back when he
came in february. i'd feel horrible.
i just want to have my chance with him and for things to
work out because i know deep down they are suposed to. hes
the guy i want. and for the past year, since simon, ive been
waiting for that perfect guy and i know he is it. you just
get that sort of feeling and thats what i have.

i'm considering england for my BA degree... so hopefully
that will go through.
i guess ill see what happens.
i'll keep you posted.


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