Topsy Kretts

Breathing in the same sequence
2007-05-05 01:50:11 (UTC)

may 5 2007

i remember when i was still in elementary..til high school,
my mom would send me to my tita alice for a good 2mos
vacation.. every vacation...every year...they were the
only happy memories in my childhood.
i wonder...why she hadn't thought of killing herself
during those times when i was away...?
things would have been different.
what made her not kill herself?
all her other children were living safely&luxuriously with
her inlaws...
I, would've been left to live with tita alice and my good
cousins ...or w/ my half sisters...in their huge
villa...since their grandparents were very fond of me...or
my aunts abroad would have adopted me...
things would have been much better...
what the fuck was she thinking?...surviving through her
pathetic life...her ordeals...her disease...when...she
would've been better off dead...from the very start...why?
why did she have to choose to live? looking back...her
life..killed me...and she was just lying there on her
cursed sick bed...watching me...watching me
suffer...watching me crumble...watching me crawl
blindly..bitterly choking with hate and confusion as i
grow...watching me die...just watching me!
why? why did she have to choose her life...over me?

*bitter..bitter tears for this infernal life...
and now that i have...the judgement to know how worthless
and pointless it is for me to go on living this fucking
life...i am trapped...chained...by three innocent
souls...who have no one else but me.
so sad this life...so fucking sad...
oh God...have mercy...secure my children as soon as
possible...you gotta...you just gotta do it soon...and
then...free...me.i am drowning deeper each day ...i just
want out! please grant me this ... this life owed me
much...the least you could do is...free me...free me very
soon!




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