I drink Alone
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Things have been shit...it's still shit actually just a
At least I finally got over Frank, amazing! I did meet a
new guy but who the fuck knows whats going on there.
I met J through his friend Matt. Of course I didn't know
they were friends at the time. I got drunk at Scott and
Jo's and Matt was there. At first I didn't really like him
but after beers he started looking pretty hot. We all
played "I never" and somehow became pretty damn close. When
Scott and Jo decided to go to bed Matt asked if I was going
with him. We walked around the corner to his "good friend
J's house" this little red head chick answered the door, J
was on the computer in the corner. I barely remember
stumbling in and sitting on the futon. The girl who I later
found out was J's ex gf talked a lot. I remember getting a
beer but most of it spilled on the floor. Matt was messing
around with me even though they were in the same room. I
didn't really care since I was very close to passed out. I
do know I went to sleep several times. Eventually J got up
and helped Matt pull out the futon with me still on it.
About five that morning I got dressed and walked back over
to James place.
So a few days later I get a message on myspace from J. We
myspaced back and forth till the 17th when there was a
small party at James place. Since I was in the same
apartment complex I left J a message on the computer with
my number. I knew I was playing with fire here since James
had told me several times that he liked me. I'd explained
to him that I didn't like him that way, that I just wanted
to stay friends. I thought he might be cool with not dating
but not with me seeing J.
About ten that night I looked for my phone, James had put
it in his pocket for some odd reason. I checked it and had
a missed call from J so I rang him back outside. Of course
I had to tell James I was talking to someone else so he
wouldn't flip out. At that time Scott, Jo, two of their
friends, David and his gf were hanging out.
I told J I was walking around outside since it was so loud
inside. Then I realized his voice was echoing. I'm
like, "are you standing across from me?"
It was cool to actually talk to him. He's so fucking hot.
He said he had to pee and asked if i wanted to walk back to
his place with him. Of course when we did his ex was there
on the computer. He told me later she hadn't been home in 2
days so he didn't know she'd be there.
She asked to see him in the other room, I could hear her
yelling. When they came back out J asked if I wanted to go
back to James so he could say hey to Scott. I told him
before we went in that James might not be too friendly.
When we walked in he actually knew everyone there. It was
pretty cool watching him talk and be silly with the guys.
James even acted cool at first. Me and J were sitting in
the kitchen, Scott and James were sitting right across from
us. He's messing with his phone, we actually have the same
phones so text messages are this annoying beeping noise.
Mine went off, it said "what are you doing friday night?"
He put his back in his pocket. So I wrote something silly
back and put it in mine and from his pocket comes that
annoying "beep beep!" We looked pretty silly, I think it
pissed James off.
Anyways, we ran out of beer and J voluntered to go get his,
i told him i'd go with if it wasn't awkward with kristen
being over there, he's like, "no it'll be cool" so I walked
with him. His friend tagged along. This guy was pretty damn
drunk so we played around with me hitting him on the way
over. While J talked to Kristen I stayed outside with his
friend. She wanted to come back over with us but he told
her it'd be awkward. She's like," Why? Do you like her or
We went back over to James and just as we got to the door
James comes around the corner and goes inside slamming the
door. He went into his bedroom and slammed that door. We
went in and everyones looking at each other like, "What the
fuck?" I went in for a little bit then asked Jo if I could
talk to her outside. J and some o fthe others followed us
saying it'd gotten awkward inside. I told J, "You know why
James is mad right?" She's like, "Oh yeah I know"
Because James had gotten mad the time I'd left their place
with Matt cause that had pissed James off too.
Suddenly the door opened and we saw James inside
yelling, "Everybody get the fuck out!" then he threw my bag
out the door at me saying, "you can go to J and get the
hell out of my life!" Then he slammed the door.
Everyones looking at me like, "Oh my god" I was drunk so
could only say stupidly, "Oh he did not just hit me with my
bag" Jo could only reply, "Yes he did!"
Door opens and my dvd comes flying out hitting me in the
chest, "Wouldn't want you to forget anything!" He yells.
Dude, I just sat down on the pavement to finish my beer. I
saw Frank look out his window at all of us standing around.
Jo and J talked me into standing up and going over to J's.
I sat outside in the grass talking to Jo because I didn't
want to go in and see Kristen again.
The two guys left, they offered to give me a ride home but
J told me he'd bring me if I wanted.
James left me a few text messages saying how I could go
fuck the whole football team for all he cared. blah blah
blah..Then Frank called asking what happened and to be
careful since he'd just seen me leave with a bunch of guys.
Jo had to help me text message since I was pretty much
When the two guys left J walked them to their car. While he
was gone Kristen came out and sat with us to talk to Jo
about how her relationship with J was pretty much over.
J came back and sat a little distance from us,I went inside
to use the bathroom when I came back Kristen had moved to
sit close to him.
He got up to show us something on his phone then set closer
to us. I felt pretty bad for her cause it was obvious she
was trying to get close to him.
I asked J if he minded giving me a lift and he said no. He
told Kristen he'd be back in a little bit.
When we got to my place I was pretty nervous but I asked if
he wanted to crash with me. Thankfully he's like, "Yeah!
I'm actually pretty tipsy." So he came in.
Since that night we've seen each other pretty much every
night. Last weekend we went downtown to see Dirty Wormz.
Last night I went to a small get together at his best
friend Mikes house. I'm sorry to say I got full on drunk so
I ended up laying on my back in the back yard. I don't
think anyone cared though. J had to get Alex to half carry
me to the van. He kind of attacked me once we were in,
about how I must of done most of that for show. Blah blah.
I don't know.
We went home and had sex of course, then he tells me he
secretly wanted to get me pregnant so I wouldn't leave him.
I asked, "What would you do if I was pregnant?" He's
like, "I donno, I'd probably ask you to marry me" I musn't
of responded well cause he's like, "What? You wouldn't
marry me if you were pregnant?"
I've been kind of upset all day because I don't understand.
He woke up around four and brought me home. He didn't
really say much. But in his defense he cut his finger
really bad yesterday, had to go to the emergency room. He
has a huge freaking bandage on it. So he IS in pain which
could account for his not being very lovey dovey.
But I just don't know how you say all that to someone even
if you are a little drunk.
I'm just so tired of games and not knowing whats going on.
I want it to STOP. FUCK!!
On one hand I wonder if he's just using me to get over his
ex. But on the other why would he be so worried about me
leaving him? Why would he want to get me pregnant? Why
would he say something like, "I'd probably marry you" Has
he thought about any of these things?
Then I think we should be adult about this and sit and talk
about it. But then I think we've only known each other
about two weeks, should I be pushing a serious
conversation? But of course there's also the fact that
we've only known each other two weeks and we're trying to
be parents here. SHIT
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