Nick's Journal
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2007-04-19 22:53:08 (UTC)

I think I need to drop out of Law School

seriously, after the events of this morning, I see no other
course which i can take. it's not so much that law school
is hard or overburdening, but that it has effected a change
within has turned me into a beast!
this morning my group decided to meet for the first time to
start exam review. well "my group", meaning the guys i was
with last semester and then a few tag alongs who are idiots.
you see that's why i need to drop out!
law school has made me not only hyper-competitive, but also
it has shaped me into a mold of over-rationalization and
overly logical structuring of everything i do.
for example, this morning we didn't have contracts before
property. on thursdays we have contracts before property
whereas on other morning we either have property or
contracts. needless to say things get complicated with our
assigned seats as they differ in contracts and property
(don't ask, it's ridiculous).
so anyhow, this leads to the sad fact that in property on
thursdays we sit in different seats than we normally do
because we are in our contracts assigned seats because the
mayhem that would ensue if we were to switch would be god awful.
so anyways, i arrive in property and everyone is sitting in
their contracts assigned seats! i ask tristan politely as
to what the hell he was doing and if he wanted to enter a
world of pain, to which he replied,
"thursday man...sit like contracts."
"we only sit in those seats on thursday because we have
contracts before property, not because it's thursday."
"yeah, but it's thursday."
"but contracts is the premise upon which we originate our
seats for thursday in a manner different than normal
property classes on monday and wednesday, without contracts
there's no premise for arranging ourselves according to its
tristan stared at me,
"dude you need help."
"i do...but i also need my seat."
"impossible my computer is already open."
"you're a dead man."
naturally of course all of the above was in good faith and
all, but i will have to kill him fo disrespectin' mah shizzle.
anyhow on to the group. very soon after we started defining
easements appurtenant we got onto the issue of whether or
not kyle like fucking fat women.
this was mainly brought up when ishmael (always known for
his predilection for women whom you have to roll in floor
and find the wet spot to fuck) made a comment about too
mountains of blubber which stampeded by us,
"damn, i'd like to get all up in that."
now i like ishmael largely because he is a nice repose to
the usual white people i hang out with and also because i
think our study group had to fill the racial quota or
something and lastly because i think we get a tax benefit
for keeping a convict in our group (that last asssertition
didn't go over too well with ishmael as it turned out he had
indeed been arrested before).
anyhow, the issue got to what women i like and i said that i
like the atheltic type.
"you mean the man-women?"
"no, like the athletic type."
"basketball dikes?"
"NO!!" i stopped for a second,
"the tennis player type."
"oh yeah, dem bitches is hot."
with this jake intervened,
"so why don't you like fat titties again?"
"well i just feel that the human body is beautiful when it
is slightly muscular and toned, because i think that's what
it is in its truest forms. if you think about the early
hunter gatherer days, people weren't hanging out with a bag
of dorritoes, their bodies had to be physically capable of
competing with a mammoth...or in our days, competing with
jessica at the buffet line at the barrister's ball."
"so what are you saying? fat people are ugly?"
"no, just that fat is your body's way of freaking out.
imagine fat as being some poor homeless guy that you take
into a grocery store and leave alone for about 5 mins. that
homeless man is gonna fill his grimy pockets with as much
food as possible..."
"or liquor, probably liquor"
"yeah or liquor...cos he doesn't know if he'll ever get taht
chance again."
"so you're saying a fat person is like a starving homeless
man left alone in a 7-11 for 5 minutes?"
"ummm, not like that, but sorta."
to this we reverted to our studying.
anyhow, i just think that i'm thinking too much about
everything. i can't say anything without innerly
rationalizing every nuances. i sometimes don't even get
into debates because i don't know enough about it. i'm
structuring my life and making sure that there are no leaks
of illogical emotion anywhere.
when i read that book about the 1l year and the guy was
saying how he started to hate how he was becoming this
hyper-rational person devoid of emotion i sort of
disbelieved him, thinking that that wasn't raelly possible.
i mean i feel emotion (although it is hard because i'm
Austrian and we act like robots when it comes to
emotion..."ich...liebe...dich...mein...freund...") but i
would never dream of letting it pervade into any argument i
have anymore.
anyhow, i think iwill be glad when these exams are over and
i can finally focus on not focusing on things. just letting
my mind wander and not trying to rationalize everything.