Jamie

Jamie's Daily Thoughts and Goals
2007-04-02 04:06:28 (UTC)

Am I Doing Too Much??

YESTERDAYS GOALS: I MET THE GOAL OF DOING SOME HOUSEHOLD
CHORES BUT DIDNT BRING IN THE SAND FOR THE KICKBOXER.

A new month already. it seems like this year is off to a
fast start yet I feel as though I havent done enough as
far as my goals are concerned. I spent a few hours this
morning doing the hypnosis lesson plans and practicing the
new material. It stresses a lot about positive thinking
and changing the beliefs of your own unconscience mind. I
believe this can work as long as a good amount of time is
spent on it each day (which I have) so I will give it a
try.

I dont think I did as well as i could have on the whole
eating topic. I had my "trigger" food now 3 meals in a
row! last night for dinner, today for lunch and supper
although I will say this...I did not binge eat it at
all...i may have had too much-portion wise but didnt feel
at all like I ate til i was miserable. I think if i had
made it myself at my house i would have so its better i
got out and spent time with other human beings... i know
my parent are making their thoughts known with as much as
they have been checking in on me and worrying about me.

I felt pressured into joining dave and sara at mom and
dads for lunch and movies anyway. I am beginning to feel
grossed out when i am around dave again and i know it is
because of my sexual assault group starting again. I feel
guilty for having him in my life and wonder how other will
think of me when they find out i have a "relationship" of
sorts with my abuser. I feel the need to even tell myself
here that i have no other choice because it is the family
that i am being offered in the whole, or no family at all.
I dont feel strong enough to be completely alone at this
point in my life yet i also am a bit disappointed in
myself for not being strong enough to be alone. I have
been alone for so long now i am beginning to think that it
can never get better or easier, even with someone in my
life. Maybe when i have a boyfriend of whatever we call
each other i will be too focused on us to think about all
this anymore like i feel my sisters use as an excuse not
to work on themselves and the issues surrounding our
abusive past.

Brooke is due to have her first baby anytime now within
the next few weeks so i know she doesnt have time but i am
disappointed with Nicole for not wanting to join me this
session of group because this is a prime time for
her...she may not get this opportunity again and i really
think for her sake and mine (yes, i said it, i need her
for me) that it would be beneficial...but i must not push
her. she will come around in her own time, just as i did.

As far as my weight, health, and exercising...well I dont
feel i am doing enough but my hypnosis lessons say that
those things will come naturally and NOT to overdue them
anbd that is really hard for me because i am usually the
person who thinks "PLAY HARD OR GO HOME!" and i have to
stop myself a lot and remind myself that it will come on
its own...i dont even believe it enough right now while
typing it so...

A HEALTHY WEIGHT, NUTRITION AND EXERCISE WILL COME
NATURALLY TO ME.

A HEALTHY WEIGHT, NUTRITION AND EXERCISE WILL COME
NATURALLY TO ME.

A HEALTHY WEIGHT, NUTRITION AND EXERCISE WILL COME
NATURALLY TO ME.

I am told repetition helps...amyway I feel the pressures
of a lot of other things as will right now as far as
school, money, everything really and i am afraid it will
all come crashing down on me when I fail at one of them. I
JUST NOTICED THAT I TYPED "WHEN" I FAIL...interesting to
me since i am catching a lot more of that negative self
talk now that i am doing the hypnosis lessons.

as long as i take things one day at a time and let them
come naturally, i will not fail.

my goal for tomorrow is (TO BRING IN THE SAND FROM
YESTERDAYS GOAL) and to make a conscious effort to keep
my self talk on the positive. NO NEGATIVE SELF TALK...if
it happens i will correct it with 2 positives!

GOOD LUCK!




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