5 Hour Energy
i hate law school and i hate legal writing memos.
everything i said earlier about loving law school? fuck that.
right now i'm sitting here with a legal writing memo due
tomorrow @ 9 am.
this thing is finished. i have 16 of the most detailed,
organized, thought out pages with regard to a strip club's
violation of the federal fair labor standards act...problem
is, i can't seem to convince myself of that.
i had this bitch done last tuesday but instead of turning it
in i said to myself, "sit on it nick...look at it over the
weekend and see if there's anything that needs revising."
this is the classic finish 15 mins early on an exam problem.
i always doe this. i finish early and start leafing through
my answers, eventually becoming convinced that something is
wrong. call it pathological if you'd like.
so this morning i got up at 10 am and sat down to re-read my
memo and see if there's anything needed. it is now 2 pm and
i haven't been able to focus.
so i decided to go out and get some bedding for harold's
cage (harold is my rat so don't go calling child protective
services on my ass). on the way i stopped by a gas station
and found this thing called '5 hour energy'. the label
actually has this warning on it:
"if you should experience a flushing of the skin, please do
not be alarmed as this is due to the niacin dilating your
blood vessels near the surface of your skin."
it has 8,333% of my B12 and 2,000% of my B3. i'm flossin.
and i want to talk about some current events.
i know this is a while back, but did you see the video of
the alcoholic chicago cop beating the living shit out of a
female bartender? if not here:
now given it's all bad shit and what not, but look at the
guy in the left hand portion of the video. has this guy
shown his face in public again?
now i'm not superhero by any means and i don't even think
that much of my black belt karate skills would even feasibly
help me anymore, but i'd like to think that if someone is
beating hte living shit in such an overmatched fight for no
reason i'd do something.
what a piece of shit.
you know i go around life a lot thinking that people want to
kill me (not that i'm crazy or anything). and many times i
wonder if anyone would come and help me if someone attacked
this video pretty much sums up that people wouldn't help my
ass. this also reminds me of an incident in france in which
a mother and her infant child were stabbed and beaten in the
subway by some muslim youths because they thought she
no one helped them.
but not me. i help people. like today i helped this lady
load her scratching post for her cat at the petco when i was
buying harold's bedding. she was actually really surprised.
i helped some people trying to get into the local mac shop
by telling them that it's closed on sundays.
i always give my seat to elderly ladies and my crowning
achievement of goodwill towards humanity was when i asked
the crazy jesus freak to tell me about jesus instead of
on my ride home on friday afternoon i was sitting gazing out
of the window when a group of kids sat down to the righ tof
me. it was a boy of maybe 9, and two girls maybe aged 15 or
so, one of which was apparently the littel boy's sister.
there was just something nice about them. after dealing
with crackheads all the time, they were such a welcome
they bickered with each other and just generally talked
about what kids talk about these days.
anyhow, all of a sudden this guy in a grimy ass flannel
shirt and dirty baseball cap sits down next to me facingg the 3.
"excuse me young uns...have you heard about jesus?"
"well, you need jesus in yoru life. like son, you know that
basketball you got there...well it's filled with air. and
jesus is like the air in your life. what happens if you let
the air out of that ball?"
they wre at this piont trying to be pleasant yet trying to
abrogate the conversation.
"well it goes FLAT! your life is flat without jesus."
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
"they don't want to hear about jesus."
he turned towards me.
"i do however."
he looked perplexed for a second and then grinned.
"have you accepted jesus my son?"
"not yet, but i'll review his application."
"well, did you know he died for your sins..."
i am wonderful.