I don't even know how I'm writing this -- it's all lost for
me. I'm going through the motions, but I can't seem to find
the words. And yet words are coming, but there doesn't seem
to be much meaning. What does it mean? Am I turning into an
illusion, or have I simply lost the connection I used to have.
My motivation has been broken. I think I'm burning out --
not that I'm sure, of course, because I've never really
determined what burning out would mean for me. Is it this
lack of concern? This inability to wake up in the morning?
(Getting better.. I surrendered again to the part of me that
refuses to sleep without opening up to another..)
Spring is here -- the days are beginning to warm, the grass
is growing. But my connection to the living world is tired.
I'm too young to feel this weary.
Why does it feel like someone's cut me off from everything I
draw my strength from? Why does it feel like I've lost
something, something vital and deep and key?