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There's nothing funny about a real life crackhead
it figures. on a day when it's beautiful outside, with the
birds chirping, the law students mingling, and the coffee
actually not tasting burnt at the cafeteria; that my day
should be ruined with a dose of crack-headedness.
there's a strip along which my bus rides which is sort of
the "drug area" of the city. inevitably there's usually one
or two whacked out motherfuckers who get on the bus and just
wild out. of course with our bus drivers being raging
pussies, they know that they pretty much can do whatever
well yesterday afternoon was really the penultimate example
there i was gazing out the window, contemplating on whether
or not i should just walk home to soak in the sun when these
two guys get into the two seats in front of me.
the first guy was wearing a white hoodie and really looked
like your average schmoe. there was nothing particularly
interesting about him, nothing taht really caught your
attention. however, the second guy was a crackhead. he fit
just about every stereotype that is normally thrown out in
the occassional crackhead joke.
he was unseasonably dressed in a heavy winter jacket with a
beanie on (it was close to 60 outside). he was irate. he
couldn't stop moving and his voice consisently had an edge
to it (which shortly turned quite real).
anyhow, the two sat down in front of me. and it started,
"man...yo..man, when i saw you out there man...i was like,
THIS GUY IS GONNA SELLS ME SOME CRACK!!!"
now first and foremost you have to realize that the
crackhead was practically shouting. he couldn't stop moving
and kept on saying,
"I'M SO HAPPY THAT I'M ABOUT TO GET SOME CRACK!"
seriously, he said this.
the guy's response (who i'm assuming was a drug dealer) was,
"man shut the FUCK UP! we don't need to leak our business
out to everybody here."
at this the crackhead squirmed around in his seat and said,
"man nobody fucking cares mannnn, nobody cares."
and with this he turned around towards me and asked me,
"you care man?"
and for one split insane second i thought of saying, 'yes'.
but then reason prevailed and i realized that it probably
wasn't the best idea to take umbrage to what a drug dealer
and crackhead were doing when there was a very real
possibility taht they could and probably would kill me.
so it all went back and forth and so on, until one part came
that killed me.
"hey you wanna see my daughter mannnn?" the crack head said
and with this he flipped open his phone and from what i saw
there was a picture of a little girl.
that really made me queasy. could you imagine having this
guy as your father? jesus christ.
well i wasn't able to get much queasier when all of a sudden
the crackhead starting getting really belligerent.
"hey, so what man? what the fuck? are you gonna let me pay
you in beer or what man?"
he was saying this as though the drug dealer had just
questioned his manhood, practically shouting at him.
"man, you're gonna pay me in cash. you got that?"
"i ain't got no cash man...how teh fuck you not gonna let me
pay you in beer? you don't like beer?"
"how the fuck are you gonna buy me beer if you ain't got any
"i know a guy man, a guy works at this store, we jsut go in
there, he get you whatever you want."
and that was it. i quickly pulled the stop wire and got out
of the bus.
when i got out i felt really sick. i am all for
rehabilitation for drug addicts and what not because i truly
think that incarceration isn't solving anybodies problem.
but right then and there, as the warm sun glinted down my
spine and defrosted the icy fingers of degeneracy from my
body i just couldn't help but want that motherfucker to be
locked up and the key thrown away. how the fuck wolud i
have to pay for him to get better? people like him don't
seem to want to get better. argh!
i was just so angry with it all. and that drug dealer. i
mean what the fuck did he think when he saw the guy's
maybe it wasn't even his daughter. that's what i'm banking
on. i mean crack head's aren't known for their honesty.
anyhow...i just walked along and thought about how horrible
everything drugs are. i mean i hate to sound like some narc
or whatever but you just had to see this guy. what a hollow
shell of humanity.
christ, i think the part that made me the most sick was when
the crack head was bouncing around and said,
"man, i don't know how you can stand this heat with all that
hair. you should just shave it....LIKE ME!!"
and with this he whisked off his beanie to show maybe 3 or 4
clipper lines run through his hair.
and with that he started cackling.