taking heed

slightly exaggerated
2007-03-12 06:32:43 (UTC)

Introspection overload

it's probably my favourite past-time. Reflecting and
disecting my thoughts and feelings. It can be grossly
counter-productive and produce bad habits like second-
guessing, but it is the ultimate form of self-
occuptation/entertainment. It is this instintively-human
phenomena that allows us to realize and qualify the
changes or adaptations in our "ways of thinking."

For instance, I once thought LOVE was an over-rated
distraction (and this has been documented). I was
confident that I would most likely never be blind-folded
by what I essentially thought was a neat concept, a fun
weekend outing, BUT a concept that ultimately lacked the
substance that existed behind other, more important
endeavours (i.e. the pursuit of social justice). Seceretly
I longed for love, I felt something intrinsic was
definately missing from my life, but I wasen't exactly
sure what as I feverishly attempted to forge out an
identity for myself during this very formative time in my
life (early twenties).

Despite almost convincing myself that love would never
enter my heart, a heart hardened by an early life of
mounting and mutating insecurity; an awkwardness around
everything intimate, love eventually seeped its way in.

To this day, even when I think I am getting a handle on
what love is, how it works, what drives it, etc., etc., it
levels me with something I did not even bother to consider.

I once thought love was a distraction, an illogical, perk
offered by life in a sea of disillusion and
disappointment. Now I 'know' that is exactly what it is.
But, it is so much more than the fluff on top. Real love
teaches you a lot about yourself and other people, and
while it does serve as a distraction, at the same time it
accents and enhances everything else you do.

..this one got a little out of hand.
End introspection.