I drink Alone
2007-03-07 18:10:26 (UTC)

It's not a scene

Still not feeling too hot. Can't wait for this damn cough
to clear up. It seems to be getting worse tho. Damnit.

Last night was James 21st bday party. I should of known it
would start out badly because Frank didn't want to go in
the first place. He decided to go when I called Claire to
ask if she'd go with. He said I pressured him into going by
making him feel bad about not going to his best friends
party. I just felt bad for James because I know how
important 21st are.
So we get there and Frank goes to his room right away. I
took a jello shot which pissed him off because he thought I
wasn't going to drink. We talked through that and he went
to sleep. We all started playing apples to apples and
drinking of course. Well I made the mistake of smoking one
of Claires cigs. I guess that's when the shit hit the fan.
Frank comes out and confronts me about it, I followed him
back into the bedroom to talk. He said he didn't thinik we
could be together, didn't think we'd work because he didn't
want someone who liked to drink and smoke. He was mad
because I'd said I was going to quit, and I'd been doing
really freakin' good. It's been a couple weeks at least.
I went outside crying, Claire and Ja-vanna came out to talk
to me. Ja-vanna said she was going to try and talk to Frank
but he wouldn't answer his door. He said later he never
heard her knock.
Frank finally took off walking, it's now 3 AM so I'm
worried about it. Claire got a cop who was going by to go
check on him. He came back finally, we talked and seemed to
get through it. But it seems like every day is more and
more drama. Neither one of us wants to give up but we don't
know how to make it work.
Today he's at his parents house to spend time with his son,
I think he's suppose to hang out with his sons mother when
she gets off work. That pisses me off of course because I
don't really understand why.
The thing I'm really upset about is my stomach has been
hurting bad. Like familier bad. After the miscarriage we
talked about wanting to try for another kid. But now it
might of actually happened. I looked it up and it said it
was possible to be pregnant so soon after but I don't know
I'm scared shitless now because we just aren't getting
along. When he talked to me yesterday explaining his
problem with me he seemed to make me out to seem like a
burden on him. And if there's one thing I HATE feeling like
it's a burden to someone. I need to get my own shit
together. I'm getting my license this week, I've been doing
paperwork and practicing all week. I'm applying at several
places for a second job. The plan was for me frank and
James to all move in together but Frank is having second
thoughts. So now I'm fucked. I think I might move back in
to my parents house for a couple months till I can get
money straight and find a new roommate. I don't know, it's
all very confusing.