Kennenjora

Dragon Eyes And Angel Wings
2007-02-28 04:15:04 (UTC)

Moving Out Of My Own House - AW

I've finally got to the point where I'm realizing that
he's not going to change. It doesn't seem to matter what
I say or do, he won't even help with anything. I can
clean the entire house and leave one chore left and when
he gets home and I ask him to do that one chore he says
he'll do it later. Three days later he still hasn't done
it and thinks that if I want it done so bad I should've
done it myself. I've been so depressed lately and I can't
seem to get out of it. We seem like we're on completely
different pages.

The one major thing that I've been asking him to do was
quit smoking. He had quit for a while but then the people
in the basement started again so he does too now. I asked
him last night if he was ever actually going to quit and
he said that he wanted to but he couldn't really see it
happening anytime soon and even if he did he'd wanna smoke
once in a while with his friends. One day they'll be
bonding over cancer and macular degeneration (he might not
know what that is now but when you go blind from it you
definitely know what it is).

We've hit a HUGE rut and we can't work our way out of it.
He's mad at me for not trying to make him happy and I'm
mad at him because he's not trying to make me happy.
Neither of us has been able to get any success after
making the first move so we've both given up. We live
like we're roommates. I hate feeling like his mom where I
have to make sure he gets up for work in the morning and
trying to get him to eat better. When he was in school
(for two months, just finished last weekend) I hated
asking him if he'd done his homework or if he'd studied
for his tests. I'm sick of this.

So if we can't get out of the rut, I'm getting out of the
rut. I can't help him out if I don't get out first. It's
like you fall through the ice and are drowning.

I'm moving out. The Dr and his wife bought a second (or
third maybe) house and they're renting it out to myself
and one of the girls I work with.

Until I can get myself back on track and figure out what I
want and what I'm going to do to get it, I can't be here
anymore. I'm too tired and depressed.

I just want to be happy again so I can make him happy
again too.

-Angel Wings




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