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2007-02-18 08:03:21 (UTC)

They say you're not supposed to have any regrets...

But I do.

There is not a day that goes by, that I wish I had met Brett
before Brad ruined my life by becoming it. I HATE that we
have two separate families. I HATE Brett's ex-wife. I HATE
the hurt that Brad has caused to my children. I want so
much to have something that I will never have; one family.
Now I have all these different people in my life and my
children's lives that are "co-parenting", but I want none of

I am so lonely. I have been my whole life. That's how I
ended up with Brad. All I've ever wanted was someone to
love me wholeheartedly, unconditionally. Someone to just
hold me and comfort me in my time of need, to reassure me
that everything is okay.

I love Brett so much, and I know that our life together is
going to be such a wonderful one. I know that he is the man
that I should have married to begin with. I know that we
need to wait until we are married before we start living as
man and wife, but I am still so absolutely lonely. I hate
living here with him while we are not married; having to
watch him disappear upstairs every single night.

I know I just sound like a big baby, and I very well may be,
but I still feel what I feel. I am so tired... Dealing
with Shelly (Brett's ex), with Jacob (Brett's son, who is
making it very clear that he has control over Brett), with
basically being a very single and alone mother... I feel so
weary... I know that the living situation is only
temporary, until we get married, but I know that those other
things won't really change at all. I'm just hoping that
Brett will be comforting once we are married... will spend
more time with me once we are married...

I'm too depressed to write... I'm going to go cuddle up
with Aubree and wait for sleep to take me.

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