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2007-02-15 08:18:12 (UTC)

A Valentine Rant

I knew it would eventually happen, the effect would
gradually take place as the day rolled on from beginning
to
end. Valentine's Day used to signify cards and candy with
corny messages embedded upon them that conformed to both
romantic and friendship relationships. But today in my
current age, all I can see is the more romantic aspect,
how it revolves in other people's lives, and yet lacks in
mine.

Valentine's Day is no special occasion for fretting
anyhow, I do it more often times than not, inverting to my
thoughts and pondering over when, where, and how. Not sure
if that can be considered desperate, lonely, depressed, or
even impatient. Though it does get quite lonesome and
boring not being able to share the same starry sky with
someone special. This particular date simply heightens
the knowledge of my disposition.

Never in my life have I ever experienced an actual
relationship. Have I ever encountered the opportunity?
Yes. Except every time it has come up, it either didn't
feel right, or I ran away. Just exactly why, I'd like to
think are finally understandable reasons. In that past age
of
fresh adolescence and insecurity, I was afraid to venture
into a field unknown and dangerous, and it also factored
into my pickiness with boys. Another explanation offers
commendation to the example put forth by my mother. Her
record of relationships has been short from successful
that now in my view, nothing better can be expected from
the opposite sex. And thus in future romantic pursuits, it
shall be easier to see those negative aspects rather than
the
positives. Or, could it just be that subconsciously, I'm
waiting for the right guy?

This final justification kind of depresses me from time to
time, because it is so reminiscent of those love stories
when
the man or woman sacrifices a good deal of their lives,
just waiting for that particular person, and in some
cases, that love is never requited.

One thing I do wonder is if I truly currently desire a
romantic partner, or could it be something else that I
yearn for? Why do I even bother to rant about such
irrelevant garbage when studies take up the most part of
my days, including a number of other gigs? Why do I
complain? Because I can and because it is my form of vent
at this particular moment. Everyone does it surely, but
this publicly?

Tomorrow, I bet, everything will shine brighter and the
memory of this rant along with all the related thoughts
attributing to this depressing situation will be forgotten
and shunned with optimism and cheerfulness. That's how the
story always goes, anyway.

Adieu


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