Lost in Translation

Stuff
2007-02-13 23:22:10 (UTC)

The 110 Revelation


As I make a left onto the 110 freeway I have a revelation--
one that clears up a few things in regard to how I feel
about you. Few minutes earlier, as we all got in your car en
route to a Hollywood bar; I noticed your phone ringing. I
didn’t think to deeply in that vague second but I noticed a
man’s face on the illuminated screen. Still, some concern
but no feeling [being] I couldn’t visually make him out. You
shoot the breeze, get directions and then end the call,
“Okay, baby”.

What?

Suddenly the night became much darker, my stomach a lot
knottier and the words out of my mouth were limited to
essential conversation only (traits you already know are not
normal). Like clockwork you noticed a difference and I
masqueraded like nothing was wrong, after thinking how you
wouldn’t speak to anyone like that unless they were yours
and you were theirs. “Are you okay” you asked, looking at me
with a vigorous certainty. “Sure, I’m fine” I said. I
naturally conjured up and exaggerated all my return
expressions, “No seriously, I’m fine”. I always say to
people that you are a lot smarter than many give you credit
for; that night I learned to take my own advice in that
regard…You saw right through me.

Jealousy is malicious as a pit bull when it controls of you.
There are different kinds of jealousy that many people have,
but mine is singular. When I love someone as much as I love
you it becomes a reckoning of thoughts a scenarios that do
nothing but cloud my judgment, taint my thoughts, dominate
my existing state of mind the eventually change my overall
demeanor. I sense it and then my mind sends an overpowering
and blunt signal to my heart that feels something like
walking into a very hot room while breathing toxic air;
mixed in with heartbreak and fear it is a highly
un-pleasurable jaunt.

“****, is she back with him?” I first thought. The next
possibility that came to mind was you had already replaced
him, I figured you might have had someone behind the scenes
(that I didn’t know about) and you breaking up with your EX,
enabled you to segue into a better situation; hence you
calling him “baby” so suddenly. Whatever the scenario, it
was driving me crazy and I handled it badly, the resulting
phrase that sums it all up…

My heart knows not what my mind does…

[END]

Turned out the boy wasn’t your boyfriend or anything of the
sort, but he was a great friend that coincidentally adores
you like I do. You’ve just amassed a relationship with him
that resulted in your referring to him as baby. I
overreacted that night and you knew it, but kept quiet.




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