This is the beloved air I breathe
2007-02-13 18:42:48 (UTC)

Dare I add another one to this

So Josh and I are dating again. Things didn't work out for
us last time we were dating, because I think that he got
freaked out by the intensity of the emotion that he felt for
me - he was confronted with a situation where he had to
choose maturity and me or immaturity and a life of
alone-ness....I backed off and gave him some space - which
needed to happen, because I needed the time too...I've gone
through a lot of growth since then, and recently he's come
knocking on my door again.

He's falling (or fallen? I'm not sure which yet) in love
with me, and he's decided that he's ready to make things
work, that he's not scared and that he wants to do all of
the things that he needs to in order to become the kind of
man that he wants ot become. That's exciting right?
Absolutely it's exciting. I've been praying that things
would start to come alive inside of him - but this is hard
for me because he's in a growth cycle. I, being the
codependant that I am, am forced to patiently sit back and
watch the growth take place. When my tendency is to want to
"help" the process along - to say "you need to change this,
and you need to change that....". why is that such a strong
tendency for me? And what a terrible message that sends to
him. Why should I want to change him at all? Either I take
him as he is or not at all. That's only fair. I would
expect the same from anyone else.

But here's the catch 22. If any of you have been reading my
stuff you will see my last post - where I said something
along the lines of "I know that God wants me to be single
right now". So here I have this amazing person who is in
love with me...and I'm really trying to take it slow slow
slow....but he's not making it easy for me - cause he's
taking it fast fast fast...but I really think that we could
be together. But part of me thinks "if I knew that this was
God I wouldn't be asking the questions...tbc later