I think I still have a crush on Drew Barrymore
if i could give you one piece of advice, it would be, don't
ever create a "fan" site for a celebrity. that is...unless
you want to look pathetic.
back when i was in tenth grade i created this website for
drew barrymore. no joke. i had such a huge crush on her.
i spent the entire finals week creating this webpage in
dedication to her. really all it consisted of were images
that i just downloaded and saved on my computer, which i
decided to convienently place on my page for the next drew
barrymore infatuated geek to masturbate furiously to.
now i'm not saying that i did or did not masturbate to drew
barrymore's pictures on any or possible multiple occassions,
but i will say this...that website was the crowning
achievement of my tenth grade education.
well fast forward 4 years and i am now in sophmore year of
college, getting my chops busted for having created a
"shrine to drew barrymore". well i endured it, even
graciously accepted the drew barrymore pinup calendar that i
was proffered as a sign of endearing remembrance.
after at least by the end of high school (but i think closer
to sometime around 11th grade) i could safely say that my
infatuation with drew barrymore started to wane and
eventually completely withered away, the appendic activitity
of some over-stimulated hormone run amock in my brain chemistry.
or so i thought.
then tonight, i sit here at about 11:45 at night hopelessly
flipping through the channels in that last desperate attempt
one makes knowing that he doesn't want to go to bed just yet
but can't justify not diong it.
i flipped back and forth between the absolute shitfest of
"humor" between jay leno and david letterman, when all of a
sudden jay leno said the magic words, "and our first guest
this evening will be ms. drew barrymore!"
i was transfixed. first off, i thought she only went on
letterman? ehh, not that i'd keep track of that. and
secondly, i never, ever, ever, ever watch the guests on late
night talk shows. i hate all that shit, they sit there and
tell me how they got a funny fucking haircut and their pet
lizard chewed someone's face off in a vain attempt to either
a.) look normal or b.) get some cheap laughs which fills up
their self-esteem meter a bit more.
i just can't stand that stupid fake bullshit...unless of
course it is coming out of the mouth of one drew barrynmore.
so there she arrived in a quite tasteful brown dress (okay
i'm realizing as i write this, that that last sentence
sounded really creepy) and she acted exactly as i rememberd
her 8 or so years ago.
sweet, bubbly, and a bit aloof. i believe aloof is the best
word to describe her. seriously, if i were in the same room
as her for about 15 mins, shit would go down (not sexual
shit, but shit like, "oh my god i can't tell if i really
like you or want you to shut the fuck up" shit).
anyway, she told this story and showed pictures of how some
big ass snake got into her pool or some shit like that, and
i was just thinking, man...she seems just as cool as i
remember her being.
i mean, you know i really thought that i fabricated most of
that (or possibly i am once again fabricating it), but she
truly just seemed like a genuinely likeable person...a bit
aloof, and a bit attention seeking, but hey...can you really
blame a girl who's been in the limelight since she's been a
anyway. i then realized what it was about her that set her
apart for me than anyone else. i mean her looks aren't the
most bestest (alright so if we ever meet in person and she
reads this, i guess the chance of casual sex is hereforth
out the window) in the world. i mean you got all the super
models and all that shit. i mean her body type isn't of the
sort. but she just has striking features, but most of all i
guess she just exudes kindness and openness. like whenever
she'd talk with jay, she's always giggle and pantomime a
lot, you can tell that she doesn't act as reserved as those
super models (you ever see heidi klum or giselle buendchen
on one of these shows? they're like fucking statues...i
don't think they move at all).
and then came the feature of hers that i liked the best.
the giggle/laugh. she just has a great laugh. it's like an
adult child laugh. you know sometimes when adults laugh,
they do it because it's appropriate (especially on late
night talk shows) but when children laugh, it's always
genuine, and it's just more gutteral.
so i guess if there is one feature that i will stick to of
my dame, ms. barrymore's, that i find the most attractive,
it would have to be her genuine, gutteral laugh.
and ni guess if i ever do see her in real life at some point
in my life, i might even just refer her to my old webpage,
so that i can hear the laugh in person.