soul survivor
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2007-01-26 07:28:51 (UTC)


Dear Journal
Tonite i had plans to go out with eren. i told cam, he
wanted me to stay at home tonite but i made a deal with
him that i'll stay home friday nite to spend time with
him, cause i'm going out on saturday nite. Well mom heard
us talking about it. she said so eren is more important,
i'm like i rarely go out and i don't get to see eren very
often. she's like you know what your father said, if she
can go out every night she can work. cam is like i said
she can go out. then she's like you keep on wining and
wining until he says yes. i'm like i didn't keep on wining.
I was going to cancel it, but cam said go out, but stay
home friday. i was going to do that anyways.
I hate when my mom does that to me. then she goes do
eren's history? cam is like i do know her history.
i got so upset that i started to cry about it. cam is like
baby don't worry about it. i'm like she always critizes me
about eren. out of all my friends its always eren. she
like your getting married and im like i realized that.
cam also said that lisa even you live in their house you
still follow the rules but you have your own life and all
it matters is you and me and what we think not what they
think. as long as we have an understanding thats all it
matters. i'm like i know baby but i hate it, i need my own
Not only that my mom is like you think you gonna find
anyone like cameron. here i'm thinking you know what i
can, but i choose not to. i can get someone just like
cameron, but every one is different. cameron is my
soulmate and i know that. we connect w/ eachother on many
levels it's weird. when he hurts he hurts, when i feel
like he's calling me i'll pick up the phone and he's
there. it hurts me that my parents think that i choose my
important relationship over my friends and i don't do
that. i make time for my man and my friends.
i fucking hate it, everytime.
i dont go out drinking. when cameron is around they don't
give me heck like they use to. but when he's not around
they give me hell. their fucking 2 faced.
all i wanted to say is stop being so fucking anal.
I tell cameron when i going out i don't hide. when i'm out
with cameron every night their fine with it, but when i go
out by myself i get in shit. i don't understand it.
cameron is my one & only i can't see myself with anyone
else. you think cameron come plains thats nothing compared
to if i went drinking every night then he'll fucking give
it to me. but other than that were on the same page. we
understand eachother. if i didn't have cameron in my life
i'd be very destructive, he has saved my life from the
worst, we saved eachother lives from destruction.
i have found out who i am and what i'm capable of doing
with my life and i know that i can depend on myself. also
haveing everything has rounded out for the better. we keep
eachother in check. between us is important what we know
is sacrite no one knows what goes on or how we work in
this relationship but us.
jsut writing that, is perfect to realize that. now i know
why cameron tells me don't listen to them i understand now
what he means. of course he didn't say that but thats what
he is really trying to say to me.
I love that with my whole heart and soul. i know that i
can't live without him in my life.
now i'm going to bed.