Dazed and confused!
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I am currently in a relationship. Let me see here....my 5th serious one,
This one is different, There is something about this guy. i can't really put my
finger on it, but it is good. In a way it is kind of really scary, kind of a good
bad thing. I believe a few weeks ago in december of 2006 I was driving to
(his) house right before christmas, and it just started to snow, so fast and so
hard, that I almost wanted to stop and watch in amazement, but I couldn't
(the traffic on 35 S at rush hour) so I went on as the big flakes fell so fast and
hard like god himself was pouring a neverending bucket of paper shreeds
down from heaven. It was like nothing I had ever seen before being from the
midwest. And a few tears trickled down my cold cheeks, happy tears. It was
so beautiful. It made me think of all the bad times in my life, and how low it
all got with men in general begining with my dad. The times I thought things
would never get better and I would be alone for life, and there was no soul
mate for me, or anyone even slightly compatable. At that point for some
reason it was all better. A few days beore while we were in his room he was
changing and we were talking and I was sitting on the edge of his bed, he
crawled up in front of me and placed his hamds on each side of my cheeks
and looked me right in the eye and said Ms. so and so..... I believe
somewhere down the line I have fallen in love with you. The words I had been
waiting to hear for awhile, All the phone conversations with just the good-
bye, no I love you when he was away, had finally ended. He said it! Now I
could tell him the words I had almost said a handful of times before
accidentally out of nowhere.
So.....now that the " Love" word has come into the picture, it gets VERY
scary to me. I ask myself all of these weird questions, like can I just let lose
and really give this guy my all, or is he going to rip my heart out and stomp it
into the ground like a previous relationship or two. i am scared that I will be
vunerable and stupid like in the first one. I remember with him.........i never
pictured the two of us apart. Ever! i guess it was that puppy love kinda
thing. Do we really know what we want in our teens, I have no idea, because
it all feels so real. Now I just feel scared and damaged. I seem to take out all
of the past things other guys have done to me on this guy. For no reason! he
has been nothing but a perfect boyfriend. the one that every girl dreams of.
I am sure of this. I once heard that if you wanted to know if you should stay
ina relationship with someone you should make a list of all the good and bad
things about them and see which one made more sence. So, I made a mental
list in my head of all the things I love about this person, and it was almost
neverending. If you want to go through the boring list then you should skip
through this part......
He is nice, sweet, thoughtful, sexy, romantic, sensitive, honest, attentive, a
great kisser, good in bed, hairy like a teddy bear (i love that), always has time
to hold me when I want him to no matter what, a good listener, smart,
respectful, and I can respect him back!
That last thing is very important to me.
"Weirdos" that will be my next topic! And believe me do I have it. It is
kind of like one of those people. You know you know one. The kind of
person that can one up any story and I mean ANY story you might have. "I"
am that person. If someone has done something weird to you in a
relationship, something way weirder was done to me! I swear! Oh yeah, no
one has ever super glued me together there, LOL....I heard that once on the
news. I was however swabbed once while i was passed out, because I was
being accused of cheating. That is hard to top on the crazy chart!
hummmm....I am tired of typing for now so....until next time......