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2007-01-11 00:16:07 (UTC)

January 10, 2007 Part 2

so yesterday i go watch "the holiday". i really didnt want
to see it but i did and it made me sad.

kate winslet is in love with some dude who doesnt love her
but doesnt have a problem stringing her along.

she talks about love and romance and about those of us who
are in a one sided love affair, about unrequited love.

i know its just a movie but that doesnt make it any less
true. she's spent the last 3 years of her life, holding her
breath waiting for this guy to realize that he loves her, or
waiting for any bit of attention he gives her.

i realize thats me, and its so utterly pathetic. hes never
going to love me and i will spend the rest of my life
holding my breath. i know its not good, its not unhealthy
because i still do all the stuff id normally do if i didnt
know him.... except move.

so what am i going to do? what do i do? i dont know. id
like to think that im smart enough not to get myself into
this kind of mess but i have to feel, for my sanity, that
there is a purpose to it. that maybe somewhere, somehow i
will learn something about myself, or love or the universe
that will make things better.

i dont know what will happen, id be great if i could have my
fairy tale, but a fairy tale is not reality and ft and i are
not reality.

i wont ever be able to stop loving him, but someday i hope
to meet someone who i can love almost enough to be able to
move past him.

i dont know why hes so captivating. he should be just some guy.

so, how does romeo continue to live, when juliet marries
paris? what does cinderella do after the prince falls out
of love and in love with someone else?

what do i do when i finally realize that he will only ever
be a part of my past, and the my future is somewhere else,
somewhere where he is not?

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