Out with the old...
And in with the new! I sounded excited just then. Amazing
since I'm wearing the most irritated look on my face right
now. Cali is so fucking wack I'm beginning to get
frustrated that I brought my butt out here as opposed to
have stayed in A'dam. Oh well. Christmas was blah, and New
Years Eve was BEYOND WACK! I had a black out last friday.
Drinkin' margaritas like they were glasses of wine. Yeah,
had my ass actin' a fool. I'm embarrassed. Honestly. Woke
up with one boot, no drawls (panties), and my shirt still
on. Don't remember ish. Not after my second drink. Don't
remember coming home, leaving the club, putting my bare
booty on the toilet at the club...NOTHING. So sad. That's
one reason I was sober on the Eve. And all the more reason
for not picking up a "new" habit. Fred pissed me off to the
extent that I told him I was thru. Like, and was sincere
about my doing so. I pray to God I stick to it. Fa' real.
Cuz now that I think about it, why would I go back? Like, I
wasn't really happy before and then he messed around and
decided to stick his dick into that high yella "bestfriend"
of his not once, but PLENTY of times...NOPE. I don't care
if me and Carlos got it crackin' when I first got to the
Dam. I cut him off. There were no emotional attachments
whatsoever. He, on the other hand, had some. And I know
that he's told me the "truth". Or his truth rather...but
there are two sides to every story. And I ain't tryin' to
come back and unbeknownst be in the middle of a lust
triangle. No ma'am. I will act a fool. So, I'm thru with
it. Thru with us. I am ready to move on. And although I
love hime still...I can't do it. He crossed the line with
that shit. And in he midst of doing so created an insecure
woman within our "relationship". That's something I don't
wish to be. Which means I have no choice BUT to not turn
around backwards and stay with is complacent and cowardly
butt. I didn't smoke today.Which is good. I was forced to
deal with my feelings. And it feels damn good to writee
about it. I just pray I can stick to this lil' resolution
thing and not smoke. Hell, the chronic gives me CHRONIC
MUNCHIES. I've gained ALL the weight I lost back. I'm hella
mad at that. But once I get settled I'll be back on track.
No weed smoking but I am finna hit up this Ny Quil bottle.
Hehehehehe...Oh, and Erica. You happy? I finally wrote
again. Yay! lol. Til' the next episode...doei doei
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