La Vida Mia
2006-11-13 03:19:34 (UTC)

November 12, 2006

well i did my job, i think. hopefully i did it well. would
be nice if it turned out i knew what i was doing. then i
could continue doing what i was doing and eventually get a
better job.

so havent talk to him in awhile. sent him a good night text
message several nights ago. then today i sign-in to
messanger and hes there. so i sign-in to the other
messanger and hes not there and im confused. either he
doesnt have dial up or he changed his name.

psychotic of me to notice. so then i make sure to stay on
so he can see me and within a few minutes of me sign-ing in
so does he.

i make sure not to im him and he doesnt im me but i know hes
waiting for me to do it otherwise he wouldnt have signed in.

after about 15 minutes he logs off.

then about five hours later he calls me. we talk
pleasantries. we talk about his job, mine, about running
and athletics.

we talk about thanksgiving and what im doing and what hes
doing. he asks for recipes and suggestions. he loves fish
frys and has never tried a fried turkey. he loves green
bean casserole with cream of mushroom soup and frenchs fried
onions. he says hell call me later this week to get them.

then he says i have his number and i should use it. i point
out that we only ever end up talking. he says ouch. i tell
him id call him more if it went anywhere. he says ouch, but
true. he says we should do more stuff, i say im down. he
says im always busy, i say i have to do something to keep
myself occupied or id sit at home and pine away for him, he
pretends not to hear and asks me to say it again, i do, he
laughs. i tell him i dont call because i dont want to annoy
him. he says "have i ever said anything?", i say no and he
says "well".

we agree to go to a movie later this week. he reminds me
that hell call me for those recipes.

he asks me what im going to do know, i think he means
tonight, he means in the future. i tell him about possible
new jobs and grad school.

before we end the conversation i "jokingly" remark that i
hpe i havent made the conversation too awkward, he laughs
says something then we end the conversation.

why do i torture myself like this? i make myself sick. i
know one day im going to meet someone awesome, but no matter
how amazing he is, he will never live up to this illusion i
have in my disgusting little mind.

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