Amnesia

dude
2006-11-11 05:24:46 (UTC)

I'm a little sad...

Today I was looking forward to hanging out with a couple
of my friends in doing something I suggested. We were
gonna play risk. So we did. By the time we started it was
630 though, as oppose to 3, the initial time. So that
wasn't so bad. I was really happy to finally hang with my
friends outside of just convenience. So I was kinda
pushing the jokes a little much. But I toned it down
later. Well, it turned bad when we actually played risk. I
don't mind losing, I mean somebody has to not take over
the world, but it just feels bad when it's always you.
It's not that bad because I've only played twice. The
first time I got anhilated. But that was because I didn't
know what it was about and I spread out my troops thin and
got greedy in taking over really quick. Then some people
left and Christina started taking over.

But now, I got wiped out off the board before I could even
take over anything. I had a very good strategy this time
though. But the damn thing is that it's all decided on the
roll of the dice. All of my dice rolls were under 4 90
percnt of the time. So even when I viciously attacked,
Dwight kept getting crazy 6's. Finally I got like a 4 or
5, but he got a 6. That's when I get pissed. And later on
I kept giving advice on certain obvious things. Thse are
just certain things i noticed would make for great
strategy. For example, if you take over one country, at
least in the beginning, that's plenty. If you do more,
you're just putting yourself at risk. If it's an easy
target, that's a different story. But I gave that advice,
also some other stuff I don't really remember exactly, but
then Dwight says that my strategy is bad cause I'm losing.
That is insulting. I don't have bad strategy, the dice
just don't agree with me. They agree with him. So that's
when the bad stuff was kicking in. I even threw out an
insult here and there.

Later when the game was done, and Dwight had dominated we
went to play guitar hero 2 and finshed a scrabble game. I
was playing without a strap on, in an uncomfortble place,
and didn't really care to focus too much on the game. Kyo
playes this more then me so obviously he's better. Then
the other's noticed that I was the one that was playing
worse then the other. So they said I sucked. I told them
that at least I know how to play guitar for real. THey
said it doesn't matter, that's probably why I'm playing
worse. They suck.

From this experiance I really feel that A, I've outdone my
company. I mean, I don't mind getting together and playing
some games, but Kyo is too young for me. The ball and cock
jokes don't do it for me. I tried to fit in to that
tonight just cause I was happy to be there hanging with
people, and it didn't work. That's not who I am.

And B, why is it that my friends insult me? I mean, I'm
starting to notice a growing trend. It's not the worst
thing in the world. It doesn't just happen to me. It's
everyone everywhere. But then again, maybe I'm taking it
out of proportion. I mean, we've done this before. Maybe
not to that extent, but then again, it doesn't really hit
me so hard. This is more like something the guys do. Most
of the time when it does happen, then it's because of
something factual. The fact that I wasn't playing well at
guitar hero wasn't something I should get criticized for.
It's not like I was really trying to scorch the other
person. I was just doing something to kill that bad
feeling. It's all insults based off of assumptions. It did
hurt my feelings because of the state I was in from the
game, and yeah.

But still. Makes me think. I did have a lot of time away
from these fellas. I shouldn't pursue my friends anymore.
If it's something like seeing Happy Feet, then it's a
different story. I'm just not gonna go out of my way to do
it. I guess I felt as though I needed to compensate for
missing so many events. Not any more. I'm done. All debts
settled. Talking to Chris now, he makes my day awesome.