2006-11-09 05:19:29 (UTC)

I'd like to write, but it pisses me off...

There's so much stuff I would like to communicate in
writting just so I can get all my thoughts out there on
paper and come to conclusions on things, terms and all and
all, get things off of my chest. But the problem that
lingers with writing or typing is that it's never quick
enough, and my hands don't want to go through the labor.
Talking is good, but it only comes to some sort of terms
when it's with another person and still, it's not the same
effect as writing. Not the same. S

So there are a few things on my mind yet again. I'm a
little pissed cause I'm probably not gonna be able to see
Chris tomorrow. If I do, he's not gonna be able to think
cause he'll be horny as usual. I'd love to, but I don't
know if I'd be in the mood. I really want to when were
alone for hours, and we've both showered, I'm not on my
period, got nothing to worry about. THis rarely happens.
Most of these things actually never play a part. So
tomorrow, when we MIGHT hang out before I have to go to
work, we might just do that and quick. I'd rather just
hang with him. It's been a while since we've spent a whole
day together doing things like movies, pool. Not just
hanging round the house. Hopefully we'll get to do that on
Saturday. I'm not sure how enthused he'll be about getting
up early so that he can go to the mech with me by 11. I'd
love for him to come, but if he doesn't oh well.

I'm frustrated cause he was sleepy and said yeah I want to
hang but call me in an hour. So I get my hopes slightly up
cause he'll probably be even more tired in an hour, and
long behold, exactly what I thought will happen, happened.
First he didn;t answer, then he picked up the second time
and when I asked him again if he wants to hang he said no.
Okay I understand, but I'm just a little aggravated. I
really wish that he wouldn't get as tired as he does. But
what can I do about it? I could just give him a massage,
but that won't cut it. I'm not licensed masseus, and I'm
not gonna be going over there every whatever day to do
that for him. I'd like to hang with him on saturday.
Hopefully he'll go to sleep early on Friday so that on
saturday he'll shower, eat and still be there with me at
the mechanics. I hate to drag him into stuff that I have
to take care of, but he knows more about this stuff, and I
trust his opinion more then any other guy I know, even

So Friday night I'll be playing Risk with Anna, Dwight,
and hopefully Kyo at Kyo's place. Talked to Liz she's back
home since monday. THat's very cool. I hope Chris doesn't
want to do anything that day cause if he does then I can
only say, well, you can join us, but I think it's only a 4
player game. So maybe not. Well, Liz said that in a week
or two when she's feeling better we could come over and
play monopoly with her and Anna. That's cool. I'm looking
forward to it.

There's a bunch of things I'm really hoping to do.
One for example has been lingering in my mind all day
today. That is to do the thing where I buy the notebook
and a pen and write for 24 hours straight. I'd love to do
...Also, I'd love to write that book, or a series of short
stories. A book. THat is what I would really like to do. A
whole book and just keep that in my records, maybe give it
to dwight to read and see what he thinks.
I'd like to join that club where I recieve a classic book
every month. I'm not gonna do that until I have the money
to do that every month, a place to store these things in
(must move out for this cause I don't want to keep these
beautiful books in just a trashy place like my room. I'd
like to keep them in a closed cabinet so that they don't
turn colors and they're protected from dust.) Also, not
until i have time to read them. Cause if I don't I fall
behind, lose interest, and then what's the point.
...Learn more about Liqour, and wine. I was considering
taking a wine class this coming semester, and building
towards being a conosour, or whatever the top level of
that stuff is. Liquor I really need to know more. I still
sometimes mistake whiskey for scotch and that's
rediculous. I need to try some more of them, and find out
what else is out there as well.
...Pictures. I'd like to take pictures again. Not so much
goin into developing them on my own just yet. I might do
that once I've gotten my own house and two bathrooms, or a
room that I can make into my studio. I would love that. An
actual seperate room for all of my creativity. I'd love a
garage for the car too, but that's a different story.
That's more preventive maintenance.
...Film, just, don't know what to write in here really,
but I'd like to get back into what I think I love most.

There's something really big to think about right now.
Should I collect unemployment, or work for the Conrad. I'd
love to work for the Conrad and get more money. I think it
would help me accomplish whatever else I may need to
accomplish still for myself.

This is gonna sound really, really weird, but if Chris's
and mine relationship is going as good as it is, then I
don't think that I have that much time to do as much
things as I'd like to do. Columbia would take me about 2
years to complete the courses that would be required.
Those that would cover the basics of what I need to know
to be sure that this is what I want to do.

When I do complete Columbia, I don't want to have any
debt. If anything, I would like to have some assets. I'd
love to already be paying off a condo. I'd like to have it
furnished alright. Doesn't have to be the most astounding
thing, but just now I was watching Will & Grace, and I saw
their apartment, their way of life. This combined with a
couple of commercials from some furniture stores, and the
beautiful set ups of the dining room tables. These were so
very clean, with the rolled up cloth napkins, with
beautiful colors, and a fold on them. It just looks so
neat and beautiful. My ideal life would consist of me
being able to do that at any special point in my life. In
the future, I'd love to have a dinning room, and a wooden
table, that I can set beautifully with a centerpiece and
cloth napkins. Ofcourse non of that matters unless there's
somebody to gather to the table at those special ocassions.

That's one of the reasons why I really feel that working
at the Conrad in January on would be so much better then
collecting unemployment. This would give me the
opportunity to work on my vision, (get glasses or contacts
if need be)Also to get my teeth fixed. That would be some
accomplishments on top of the increase in pay. The pay
could initially pay off, I calculate 1 year of Columbia
and 1 year of rent, more or less. Probably less, but once
I quit that and go back to the Odyssey II, there should be
another 5 grand to add to the piggy bank. Once I go to
Columbia the following year, I could do the rest.

The reason I feel that I don't have that much time, is
because Chris and I are getting serious. If this keeps up,
at the pace we're going, by the time I get out of school,
we'd be engaged or close to it. Maybe 2 to 4 years we
would be I guess. Assuming things go as they are. I love
that man so much. I hope all will go well. But if it does,
I'd like to have money starting off. Assuming all will go
well, then we will have a family of our own in a couple of
years. There are certain things that I would love to do
then, if I could afford it. I'd like to have a house
eventually, one that we would own. I'd like to put the
kids through private school. I know it; s not necessary,
but I would love to if I could, have my kids get the
opportunity of better education. This on top of Chris and
I being happy around a beautiful home. I'd love a small
garden where we can grow some fresh fruit on. But not too
necessary. I wouldn't have time to upkeep it while working
all season. Most importantly I would love to just be able
to enjoy it all with him. Enjoy life and our love. Hope
that's not too naive. That's why mostly I'd love to work
at the Conrad and make more money, get more done. I can't
tell him that one last part though, it's too much right
now.I love him though. Mad that I couldn't see him today,
tomorrow. Love him so much.

Much more to write, but that was my main point, and I'm
tired. So goodnight.

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